Family Worship: A Father’s Highest Duty
Phil Lancaster
You
have probably heard the observation that when you point a finger at someone
else you are, at the same time, pointing three fingers back at yourself. Now
there is no doubt that this proverb is often quoted to stifle a well-deserved
criticism. After all, ours is a day in which it not considered "nice"
ever to pass judgment on someone else’s behavior. But it occurs to me that the
observation is quite apropos when considering a commonly heard condemnation made
by Christian men today, namely, that our nation’s spiritual heritage is under
attack by those we call "secular humanists."
Certainly
it is true that there is a godless element intent upon rewriting history so as
to deny our Christian heritage and eradicating the last vestiges of Christian
values from our culture. This element of our population deserves
finger-pointing and the blame it communicates. Unfortunately, as we apply such
fitting judgments to these obvious malefactors, we are implicating ourselves,
as well. Three fingers are pointing back at Christian men—because while we
correctly denounce the humanism of others, we fail to recognize that which
lodges in our own hearts and in our families.
Yes,
Christian men, even dedicated, family-centered men, are too often what I will
call "practical humanists." This means we are humanists in effect,
though not in profession. We affirm the reality of God with our mouths, but our
lifestyle denies our confession. While we denounce the overt godlessness of
others, we ourselves have been guilty of a quiet godlessness. If
"humanism" is a denial of God, many Christian men are humanists in
the fabric of their daily lives.
In
the Bible we find a more reliably true proverb than that with which we began:
"The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom" (Prov. 9:10). What
it means is this: taking God seriously is the foundation for right thinking and
right living.
Applying
this to our discussion, we must acknowledge that too many Christian men do not
take God seriously in how they think and how they live. While professing faith
in God, there is no evidence that God shapes their approach to major portions
of their personal and family lives. In matters as diverse as business,
recreation, dress, education, finances, and music, for example, there is no
discernible difference between many Christian men and others who make no such
claims to faith. I suggest that if so much of a man’s life is unaffected by the
God he claims to revere, he is not actually taking God very seriously. He does
not truly fear God. He is, while a professing believer, a practicing humanist.
It
is no surprise that wicked men act wickedly. What is disastrous is when good men fail to act righteously. The reason our
nation is on the skids is not that godless humanists are out to eliminate
public expressions of faith, which they surely are. The problem is rather that
Christian men are too often guilty of voluntarily eliminating private
expressions of faith. Our nation is being destroyed by the failure of Christian
men to take God seriously in the way they live in the home and in the small
circle of their daily experience.
Does God
Make Any Difference?
In
particular, one of the prime symptoms of our malady is the absence of family
worship in Christian homes. Yes, this is one of the chief barometers of how
much "the fear of the LORD" infects a generation of believers; and by that
measure, our generation does not take God very seriously at all. When a family
goes through a day without corporately acknowledging God, they are, for that
day, living like humanists. They are saying that God is not present in their
family, that he can be ignored without it making any difference.
The
children of that household are being taught a subtle lesson: while we talk
about God, he does not affect our daily lives. The children are being raised to
be practical humanists. If God is really the God we claim he is—the majestic,
all-powerful Creator; the gracious, all-merciful Redeemer—how can we ever live
a day without acknowledging him together in our homes?! It just does not make
sense.
Writing
in the last century, James W. Alexander in Thoughts on Family Worship had this
to say about children and the practice of (in his time, twice-daily!) family
worship:
The simple fact, that parents and
offspring meet together every morning and evening, for the word of God and
prayer, is a great fact in household annals. It is the inscribing of God’s name
over the lintel of the door. It is the setting up of God’s altar. The dwelling
is marked as a house of prayer. Religion is thus made a substantive and
prominent part of the domestic plan. The day is opened and closed in the name
of the Lord.
From the very dawn of reason, each little one grows up with a feeling that God
must be honored in every thing; that no business of life can proceed without
Him; and that the day’s work, or study, would be unsheltered, disorderly, and
in a manner profane, but for this consecration. When such a child comes, in
later years, to mingle with families where there is no worship, there is an
unavoidable shudder, as if among heathen or infidel companions.
In
too many Christian homes today, someone who truly fears God would shudder. God
is acknowledged in profession, but he is not "a substantive and prominent
part of the domestic plan."
A
Universal Christian Practice
As
our author wrote, regular, daily family worship is simply an historical fact
among godly families in all ages and places. This gathering of the whole family
for the purpose of worship, Bible reading, and prayer is a conscious, corporate
ritual. It is a specific, intentional gathering to acknowledge God together in
addition to thanks offered at meals or bedside prayers. While the church
gathers weekly to worship the Lord, the family assembles daily for that highest
of all human endeavors.
Both
Old and New Testaments contain abundant evidence that family devotion is
assumed as the lifestyle of the godly. We see the pattern of domestic worship
in the example of the patriarchs who so often gathered their families around their
crude altars to offer thanks to God for his guidance and blessing (Gen. 8:20;
12:8; 13:4, etc.). The pattern in evident as well in the life of Cornelius
about whom we read that "he and all his family were devout and
God-fearing" (Acts 10:2); and he gathered his family to hear the gospel
proclaimed (v.24). The fact that the early church met in homes testifies
eloquently to the fact that faith and worship find their first manifestations
in the household (Acts 2:46; Rom. 16:5,23; 1 Cor. 16:19, etc.). The practice of
domestic worship would have to be assumed among the godly even if Scripture
never hinted about its existence. How could genuine faith fail to find such
expression in the family?!
From
the early church to the Reformation times in Switzerland, France, Holland,
Scotland, etc., to the colonial days in America, indeed, up to our own century,
the institution of family worship is an ever-present evidence of a vital faith
within the home. In Reformation Scotland, you would come under church
discipline if you persisted in the neglect of the "duty of
Family-worship" (Directory of Family Worship, 1647). Not much chance of
that today! But why not? Only because our standards are so much lower today. We
tolerate practical humanism¼ and it shows.
A
Father’s Chief Duty
Men
of God, it is up to us to remedy the situation. No matter what our churches say
(or neglect to say) about it, we can and must assure that at least in our homes
God is taken seriously. It does not matter how far short of godliness the
church and Christians in general have fallen today; we must say, "As for
me and my house, we will serve the Lord!"
If
my highest overall priority in life is God himself, and if my highest temporal
priority is my family, then it follows that that duty which rests at the
intersection of these two greatest obligations is my paramount concern in
life—and that duty is none other than family worship! It is here that my
devotion to my God and my commitment to my family find their inevitable
expression. I honor God best by leading and loving my family; I lead and love
my family best by bringing them before God. Family worship is the most
important obligation of a Christian father.
If
you have been regular in this practice, keep up the good work! You show that
you understand what it means to fear God, and he will bless you as you remain
steadfast in your family leadership.
If
you have not been regular in family worship, how do you go about developing
this habit? We will spend the remainder of this article addressing how to get started.
Laying
the Groundwork for Success
The
first thing you must do is to deal with your own personal relationship with
the Lord. Family spiritual leadership is simply an overflow of a man’s own
walk with God. In this regard, do two things. (1) If you are not already doing
so, establish the practice of daily personal worship (devotions, or
quiet time). Again, you must be walking with God yourself before you can lead
your family in that walk together. Spend some part of every day (preferably
first thing in the morning) reading God’s word, offering worship and
thanksgiving, and engaging in intercessory prayer. (2) Go before God and confess
the sin of neglecting family worship. Confess that you have been a humanist in
practice and have encouraged your children to become practical humanists, as
well. It is only as you acknowledge sin that you will find the grace to develop
new patterns in your home. Mere efforts at "reform", apart from
repentance and grace, will not succeed in the long run.
Secondly,
deal with your relationship with your wife and children. Don’t just try
to sneak up on them and get them to join you in family worship if you have not
been in the habit. (1) Sit them down and confess the sin of failing to
be the spiritual leader of the home. This is humbling and painful, but it is
necessary. Great failings require great humility in acknowledging the fault.
The most manly thing you ever do will be to admit that you have failed in your
manly calling. Your family need to see that you recognize the gravity of the
matter of your spiritual leadership. They need to see that you are serious
about making the changes that are needed. Taking this humble posture before
your flock will elevate you far higher in their esteem than if you kept silent
on the point.
While
you have the ears of your wife and children, (2) Ask their help as you
begin to do your job. Let them know you realize it will be hard to develop a
new family habit, but that you are committed to God to do so and must have
their support. Invite their ongoing counsel on the matter of how family worship
is conducted in the home. Ask their commitment to cooperate with your efforts
to lead, and ask them to pray for you as you seek to obey the Lord in this way.
Family solidarity will go a long way toward assuring the success of your
program.
The
third thing you should do is to establish an accountability relationship
with another Christian man or group of men. Our generation needs to rediscover
the benefits of men encouraging one another in their duties by holding one
another accountable. Naturally it makes sense for you to develop such a
relationship with someone in your church. In duties that pertain to your family
you need someone besides your wife to whom you can answer about your progress.
She is not your authority. Another man can represent to you the authority of
Christ through his church. If your church is healthy, your elders should be
making it a point to encourage you in your family responsibilities; but you
should take the initiative to be accountable to someone regardless. It would be
wonderful if I would always do what I knew I should out of sheer love for the
Lord; but lacking that, it helps to know my brothers will be checking up on me!
This is a vital ingredient for success for most of us until we have our
spiritual disciplines mastered. Don’t neglect it.
The
fourth and final step in laying the groundwork for your successful practice of
family worship is to establish it as a part of the family schedule. This
means selecting a time when you can daily gather the whole family together.
Don’t plan just once a week, or "whenever it works out." God deserves
more honor than that! Plan a daily time to meet. The ideal time is early in the
day since this is the best preparation for taking God seriously the rest of the
day. For some, this will mean having the family rise earlier than they
otherwise would. If it is simply not possible to worship in the morning then
plan a time in the evening, perhaps right after a family supper before everyone
scatters. Whenever you decide to meet, stick with it and make the rest of your
schedule bow to this priority.
Many
families will need to de-clutter their hectic family schedule before they can
establish a realistic, sustainable meeting time. But be clear about this: if your
family is too busy to find a daily time to worship God together, you are busier
than the Lord wants you to be! Don’t allow so many good things in your family
schedule that they crowd out the most essential family activity. Simplify your
family life and learn to walk with God together.
A
Pattern for Family Worship
If
you have not led your family in worship before it may seem like a monumental
undertaking as you anticipate getting started. Recognize that fear and
acknowledge it, but don’t allow it to prevent your diving right in. The fact is
that once you have overcome the inertia of past neglect, have laid the
groundwork outlined above, and are willing and ready to conduct family
devotions, you have come 90% of the way toward success! The actual "how
to" of leading worship is no big deal. That’s the easy part!
Get
over the feeling that there is some "right" way to lead that you have
not yet learned. What your family needs is you, right now, just as you are. God
has appointed you the spiritual leader of your little flock and he will use you
to lead them. See yourself as an adequate leader, because your Father does!
There
are three basic elements to family worship: praise, Bible-reading, and prayer.
There is no formula for how these should be incorporated; rather, there is an
infinite variety of approaches. Here is the key thought behind the inclusion of
each of these three elements:
(1)
Praise is simply
the response of creatures to their Creator, of saints to their Savior, of
children to their heavenly Father. It is acknowledging the greatness of God and
the greatness of his works. Praise can be expressed in prayer, in the reading
of a Psalm, in a hymn or chorus. Children especially enjoy singing, so having
the family sing praise to God—even if it is literally a joyful
"noise"—is a desirable part of any family worship plan.
(2)
Bible
reading is God speaking to us. As the family gathers in his
presence, this is the most natural of activities. The Bible reveals God,
communicates wisdom, points us to the Savior, tells us how to live. It is our
spiritual food. Feasting on a portion of it each day is the best prescription
for family health.
(3)
Prayer is our
speaking to God. Through it we can express praise for who God is, thanksgiving
for his blessings, confession for our sins, and supplication for God’s help in
our needs.
The
simpler the plan for family worship the better. Just gather your household,
read a chapter of the Bible, sing a hymn, and lead in prayer. As you get in the
habit of doing this and feel comfortable, you can begin to experiment with
other ideas. For now, the important thing is to get with the program!
Here
are some of those other possibilities. You can have a discussion of the passage
you read; practice Bible memory; read a devotional or doctrine book; hear
insights each family member has gotten from their own personal devotions;
develop a brief "service" with a call to worship, a hymn, confession
of sin, a Bible lesson, intercessory prayer, another hymn, etc.; incorporate
your wife and children in the reading and prayer; have some of the children
provide "special music"; focus prayer on different topics on
different days, like church families on Monday, missionaries on Tuesday,
government leaders on Wednesday, etc.; meet in different locations to add
variety; and on and on we could go. Let your imagination go! Just don’t neglect
the three basic elements of any family worship time.
