Sheltering Children: God's Mandate to Holiness

by Jonathan Lindvall

Copyright 1995 Jonathan Lindvall

Contact us for permission to re-publish this article. (We're fairly easy to get along with.)
You are permitted to print out individual copies of this article for yourself
or for a friend as long as you print the entire page and notify us that you have done so.
This article was originally published in Home School Digest.

Article is reprinted by permission

One of the most threatening accusations Christian homeschool parents face is the charge of being over-protective. Somehow the society is suspicious of those who do not want their children exposed to all the seemingly harmless experiences the world considers necessary for proper & healthy childhood maturation. As the insinuations become increasingly strident the terminology becomes more shrill. Ultimately, if we are not responsive to the more subtle slurs hinting that we should release our children from our own oversight, we are indicted for the worst crime parents can commit: SHELTERING them!

Before we deal with the issue of sheltering directly let's deal with our tendency to be driven by "the fear of man" (Proverbs 29:25). Virtually every homeschool parent will easily identify the most frequently asked question about their homeschooling as, "What about socialization?" When people ask this question, what are they wondering about? Are they worried that our children will not be capable of displaying lifelong servanthood for the glory of God? Generally not. They are shocked that we are not intimidated at the thought of our children being different from everyone else.

Actually, what these examiners want to know is whether or not our children are learning to fit in with their peers. At first glance this seems a healthy consideration. But what does the Bible call it when God's people "fit in" with their environment. Paul addressed this directly when he said (Rom. 12:1-2), "I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God."

Our efforts to "fit in" are nothing less than a fearful surrender to the very conformity Scripture challenges us to avoid. Such conformity mitigates against being the "living sacrifices" Paul emphasized as being "holy." Too often modern Christians seem intimidated by the world. We don't want to be noticed as out of sync with the culture--we want desperately to "fit in." We try to be camouflaged Christians. Our conformity is not motivated from servants' hearts but from cowardice. Paul wrote (Rom. 1:16), "For I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ, for it is the power of God to salvation for everyone who believes." But we are so timid of seeming different that we shrink from the accusations of not being socialized. Well, who wants to be socialists anyway?

Socialism is the attempt to equalize everyone--make everyone alike. But God didn't make us alike. He made each of us, including our children, to be unique. And we are not to minimize, but maximize our distinctives for the glory of God. We are not to try to mask our uniqueness beneath a facade of timid conformity. We are to SHINE! Jesus said (Mat 5:16), "Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven."

What did Paul mean when he described our non-conformity as "holy?" The word holy literally means set apart, separated, consecrated. God desires for His people to be different from all other people. Like Paul, Peter contrasted God's mandate to holiness with conformity (1 Pet. 1:14-16). We cannot be holy and conformed at the same time. God is calling us to be holy non-conformists. Peter went further, describing us (1 Pet 2:9) as "a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a peculiar people; that you may show forth the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light."

Are we willing to be "peculiar?" Some more recent Bible translations soften the starkness of this passage by calling Christians God's "special people." Now that does sound a bit kinder and gentler than "peculiar." But what does "special" mean? It is impossible to be regular and special at the same time. "Special" means different, unique, distinct, even peculiar.

One of the most remarkable examples of those identified as holy were those who took the vow of a Nazirite. In Numbers 6:8 God summarizes the intent of the specific Nazirite regulations by saying, "All the days of his separation he shall be holy to the LORD." During the period of a Nazirite's vow he was to be different from everyone else. He was supposed to look different--he could not cut his hair. He was even supposed to have a different diet--he could consume nothing from a grapevine. His whole lifestyle was supposed to be out of sync with the rest of society. The Lord actually intended for these Nazirites to be holy eccentrics living among the rest of the people. He called this being holy! And now He calls us all to be peculiar people.

This applies not only to us, but to our children. In 1 Corinthians 7:14 Paul makes it clear God wants our children to be "holy." The world wants them to "fit in" and become socialized. God wants them to stick out--to "shine" before men. Many sincere Christians who oppose homeschooling argue that our children must be "salt" and "light" in the world. They are right! But they are wrong in that they believe the way to be "salt" and "light" is to mingle with the world. In fact, the opposite is true. Salt loses its savor through leaching, through dissipation. Light is dimmed by proximity to shadow-producing obstacles.

One of the best examples of this holy peculiarity was the Nazirite, John the Baptist. He dressed peculiarly, ate peculiarly, talked peculiarly--his whole lifestyle was eccentric. Was John the Baptist well socialized? Absolutely not! He was apparently raised in isolation as an only child. He lived out in the wilderness, away from civilization. But was he "salt?" Yes! He polarized the nation with his stingingly salty message! Was he a "light?" John the apostle wrote (John 1:8), "He was not that Light, but was sent to bear witness of that Light." Jesus said in Matthew 11:11, "among those born of women there has not risen one greater than John the Baptist."

Yes, John the Baptist was a light for God in the world. But how? By being so totally separate from the world that they were attracted to him like moths. I pray that my children will be socialized like John. While I certainly train them to exhibit social graces to enhance their current and future servanthood, I want them to fearlessly confront the world with a gospel they not only articulate, but LIVE BOLDLY!

"'Come out from among them and be separate,' says the Lord. 'Do not touch what is unclean, and I will receive you.'" (2 Corinthians 6:17) What does this mean? And how should it apply to the way we raise our children? Apparently God's design for our children and us to maintain the purity of holiness is for us and them to understand and apply the principle of separation from the world. But how separate should we be?

Another of the accusations leveled against Christian homeschooling parents is that we are raising naive children. We are charged with not letting them see the real world. (By the way, the institutional school setting is NOT the real world. It is an artificial environment in which students only mingle with a narrow band of individuals their own age. In the real world there is a wide diversity of people.) But there is a deeper issue being raised here that must be addressed.

What does the world mean by the term "naive?" What is the alternative? What the world thinks is normal is for young people to develop into savvy, cool, disrespectful, street-wise rebels. This is a perversion of God's ideal. In fact, what the world labels "naive" the Bible calls "pure." Jesus said in Matthew 5:8, "Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God." In other words, if we have pure hearts our attention will always gravitate to what God is doing. Paul wrote (Titus 1:15), "To the pure all things are pure, but to those who are defiled and unbelieving nothing is pure; but even their mind and conscience are defiled."

I suppose we have all had to deal, at one time or another, with someone whose mind was so defiled that they seemed intent on turning everything into dirty jokes. No matter how cautious we are around such warped thinkers they can pervert our words and actions into conformity to their own defiled minds. On the contrary there are others who can be told dirty jokes and they honestly don't understand the twisted humor. Which kind would God have us and our children be? But which kind will be accused, by the world, of being "naive?"

God calls us to raise children who are "holy." They are to be different from the world, but their peculiarity is to be marked by "purity," not just being bizarre. Such holiness is not based on human efforts to follow man-made codes of moral conduct, although outward indications of holiness will certainly be evident. The real issue is in our children's hearts. Paul wrote (Gal. 5:17), "For the flesh lusts against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh."

Paul was writing to Christians. We must recognize that it is not enough for our children to be born again. Holiness is the result of sanctification. One aspect of cooperating with the Holy Spirit's sanctifying work is that we must purpose to "make no provision for the flesh, to fulfill its lusts" (Rom 13:14). What does it mean to not make "provision for the flesh?" There is a war ongoing between the flesh and the Spirit within each of us and within each of our children. Which side of the conflict do we send "provisions" to?

Jesus taught us to pray to our Heavenly Father (Luke 11:2-4), "Our Father... do not lead us into temptation, but deliver us from evil..." Why should we seek to be spared "temptation?" Some of us are confident of our ability to resist temptation, so we actually welcome the conflict. But Paul directed Timothy not to engage temptation in a fight, but to flee--"Flee also youthful lusts" (2 Tim 2:22). It is not enough to commit ourselves to abstain from sin; we must even avoid the temptation, making "no provision for the flesh." We can easily see the fault in a drunkard who has been delivered from alcohol still hanging out in front of a saloon. But do we fall into the same trap in less obvious ways? Or do we make provision for our children's flesh through such things as their playmates, toys, reading material, music, television, and so forth?

I have been convicted of failing to "sanctify" (consecrate, set apart) my children as the Lord intends. Through the provisions I make for my flesh, I am making my children vulnerable to temptation. While I ask my Heavenly Father to "lead me not into temptation," I am leading my children into temptation. Jesus said, "Woe to the world because of offenses! For offenses must come, but woe to the man by whom the offense comes!" He prefaced this by warning, "Whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to sin, it would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck, and he were drowned in the depth of the sea."

I have always applied these scriptural threats to those who perpetrate such abominations as molestation, kidnapping, child pornography, and so forth. But now I wonder if God is speaking more to parents who have the mandate to protect their children from ungodly influences. This becomes particularly clear when we continue through the next few verses and find Jesus commanding us to pluck out, cut off, and cast away whatever causes us to sin. This mandate is clearly given in the context of children (Matt. 18:6-10).

 Parental Responsibility for Influences

In the first part of this article we considered the principle of holiness--God's call to separation. He directs us (Rom. 12:1-2) to live pure lives set apart from others in "the world"--our environment. He calls us (1 Pet. 2:9) to be His "peculiar" people. We are apparently to be unique, distinct, and perhaps even "eccentric" in the eyes of others.

Some time ago at the close of one of my BOLD PARENTING Seminars a man commented that he had finally figured out what I was trying to do through my seminars. When I asked what he thought that was, he responded, "You're trying to recruit people to be holy weirdos for Jesus." Holy weirdos?! Rather than being offended, I have rather become intrigued by the thought. Certainly the word "weird" has negative connotations that none of us want to identify with. But just as certainly, if we live according to God's direction the world will accuse us of being non-conformists, out of sync with society, or just plain "weird."

We also pondered others of the world's accusations: We are raising "naive" children, and we are "sheltering" our children. In the face of these allegations I am convinced we ought not to become defensive and endeavor to deny them. Rather, we should accept and glory in such charges and even prove them correct. You see, what the world calls "naive" the Bible calls "pure." I will prefer naive children to the cool, savvy, street-wise, rebels the world produces any day.

And who said "sheltering" was bad? I challenge anyone to find a single instance in scripture where the term "shelter" is used negatively. Sheltering is never portrayed as something bad. It is always seen as good. For example, Joel 3:16 tells us, "the LORD will be a shelter for His people." The Psalmist glories in God's shelter, saying (Ps. 61:3-4), "For You have been a shelter for me, A strong tower from the enemy. I will abide in Your tabernacle forever; I will trust in the shelter of Your wings." In Psalm 83:3 the word is used as a term of endearment as we are called God's "sheltered ones."

What kinds of dangers threaten our children? It is quite acceptable, in our society, for a parent to protect children from physical dangers. But are there spiritual hazards that are more threatening than mere bodily harm? Jesus said (Matt. 10:28), "And do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. But rather fear Him who is able to destroy both soul and body in hell." As Christians we recognize that spiritual and emotional threats are more significant than mere physical perils.

Imagine the foolish parent who during a violent thunderstorm would tell his children, "I don't want anybody to be able to say I sheltered you. You need to go and stand in the front yard."

I can imagine the children protesting, "But dad, it's wet out there. I'll get drenched! I could catch pneumonia! And I could get struck by lightning and die! Please! Let me come in the house?"

Picture the foolish parent insisting, "No. You have to face the real world someday. I'm not going to be over-protective. No Sheltering Here!"

STOP! Bring them in! Sheltering isn't bad. It is good! Only a negligent parent would allow a child to face overwhelming dangers when it was in his power to protect him. Admittedly their are dangers that are beyond our control. But what of those within our jurisdiction?

Many of us are fearful of accusations of "over-protection." Certainly there is a time to release to our children the responsibility for their own influences. But such gradual releasing should be on the basis of demonstrated faithfulness in handling slightly smaller responsibilities. It is negligence to impose upon children responsibilities we have a reasonable doubt they can handle.

Repeatedly we are warned in scripture to not cause a "weaker brother" to stumble. But for which "weaker brother" will we be held most accountable? I am most responsible for the little lambs the shepherd has placed in my own family. What are the "stumbling blocks" that might "cause one of these little ones to sin" (Matthew 18:6)? The Lord has convicted me of the influences I have allowed to shape my children. I fear that I am deserving of the "millstone" Jesus talked of for making my children vulnerable to temptations through the "provisions for the flesh" (Romans 13:16) I have clung to in my own life. Rather, I should "pluck out," "cut off," and "cast away" those appendages (figurative eyes, feet, and hands) Jesus referred to in the continuing passage (Matthew 18:6-10).

One day each father and mother will be called to give an account of their parenting. We will not be held accountable for our children's decisions, but for the influences we allowed to shape those decisions. Imagine your children appearing before you at the judgment and God saying, "Here is how your children turned out. Why did you let them go to the places they went, see the things they saw, hear the things they heard, and do the things they did?"

What types of excuses do you suppose will be acceptable in that moment? "But Lord, everybody else was doing those same things."

What do you imagine the Lord will say? Something like, "I didn't give your children to everyone else. I gave them to YOU!"

We might protest, "But I didn't know they would experience that influence when I allowed them to experience that activity."

I imagine the Lord will respond, "It was your job to know. I entrusted these invaluable treasures into your hand and you just let whatever influence happened to float by to shape them."

My wife and I have become convicted of a number of former freedoms that we have had to evaluate in light of their potential influence in the lives of our children (as well as our own). We have had to "pluck out" a number of influences that many Christians consider quite innocent, and perhaps even healthy.

Question of Legalism

Whenever we deal with specific points of obedience as I am going to take the risk in doing we are in danger of sounding "legalistic." Jesus said (John 14:15), "If you love Me, keep My commandments." This is not legalism. True legalism is thinking I can somehow earn God's grace. We cannot add a single thing to what Jesus already accomplished through His death on the cross in purchasing our salvation. But when Christians purpose to obey the Lord explicitly they are often accused of legalism.

Neither is it legalism when I insist on sowing what I want to reap. A farmer is not inappropriately legalistic in choosing good seed. He simply recognizes the unbreakable laws of nature. He is free to violate those laws, but will reap the consequences in the harvest he receives.

God's word provides a number of principles and insights that we can ignore and still be Christians. But Paul warns us in Galatians 6:7, "Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap." Parents often reap the harvest of their laziness and deception in their children.

Another form of legalism we want to avoid is one man trying to impose God's guidance in his life on others. Please join me in recognizing each of us has an individual walk with God that is in certain respects unique from anyone else's. Without denying there are universal mandates, I recognize there are things God requires of me that He doesn't necessarily require of another brother. Conversely there are things you may be forbidden to do that I have perfect liberty in. We must honor one another and provide room for each other to walk uniquely before our Master. Yet God has also ordained that we "provoke one another to love and good works" (Heb. 10:24) "as iron sharpens iron" (Proverbs27:17).

Yet each of has a responsibility to challenge our brothers as the Lord is maturing us. But if God doesn't deal with you the same way He has dealt with me, that's alright. Still, the reason I right the following is that I suspect he might want to use my experience and conclusions to challenge others in similar ways.

Influences Ripe for Plucking

The first influence I believe God has called us to question is the influence of peers. There is a notion in our culture the children are good for children. The most frequently asked question about homeschooling is, "But what about socialization?" We assume that in order to learn to get along with others children must spend a fair amount of time with those their own age.

Is this idea scriptural? Does the Bible anywhere warn parents to provide adequate social interaction for their children? No! In fact all the warnings I am aware of focus on the opposite danger. Paul warned about friendships saying (1 Corinthians 15:33), "Do not be deceived: `Evil company corrupts good habits.'" This statement is very emphatic. It is not that carnal friendships "might" be a bad. There is no "maybe" or "possibly" here. Ungodly companionships are inevitably a bad influence in all cases.

I am one who has rationalized such relationships in the past and have borne the scars. Without exception I have been influenced to compromise when I allowed myself to enter into close friendships with those who lacked a heart for the Lord. Notice a distinction, however, between intimate companionship and friendly acquaintance. We are clearly to be friendly to virtually everyone, but to limit close friendships to those who are going in the same direction (Amos 3:3)-- toward the Lord.

Solomon warned his son (Proverbs13:20), "He who walks with wise men will be wise, But the companion of fools will be destroyed." How can you tell if your children are experiencing companionship with fools? Fools are those who are foolish! The Bible tells us where we are most likely to find foolishness. Proverbs 22:15 states, "Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child." The intent of the passage is declared in the next line, "The rod of correction will drive it far from him" but this verse definitely tells us an inevitable locus of foolishness-- children. Is it possible God intended for children to be nurtured by adults rather than by peers?

The primary reason I am homeschooling my children is not that I think I can provide a superior academic experience for them (although I suspect I can). The most significant motivation is what I am protecting them from--companionship with fools! Some might call this harsh and reactionary, but I am convinced God has called me to take seriously my role as PROTECTOR of my family. Not only do I need a good offense to win, but a good defense is also imperative.

God has already provided the ideal nurturing environment for children--the family. God could have, if He so chose, designed us like some of His other creatures, to be raised with a class full of peers. He could give humans litters like he does dogs, cats, rabbits, etc. We could train a whole class full until graduation and then send them all off together. (I know He does occasionally give some of us litters but this is clearly exceptional.) Instead he places children in families where they find their place under their parents among siblings of varying ages. Is this just incidental or is there a sovereign design? I am convinced of the latter.

Many orphans and widows take great comfort when the Psalmist tells us (Ps. 68:5) "A father of the fatherless, a defender of widows, Is God in His holy habitation." The next line (v. 6) is very enlightening, though. "God sets the solitary in families." God has already designed the perfect place for children (and other lonely individuals) to be "socialized"--the family.

Let me take this a step beyond homeschooling, though. I have talked with numerous homeschool parents who explain they have effectively hindered their children from becoming dependent on negative peer relationships Monday through Friday in the school environment, but their children are still significantly influenced by the negative influences of a worldly youth culture. How can this be? Where is the negative peer influence coming from?

We are called to love Christ's bride. We are commanded to not forsake assembling with other believers. We need fellowship. Yet most of us know that the programs of the church are all too often a significant source of negative influence in our children's lives. We must not allow ourselves to become cynical--developing critical spirits toward the church. But I also will be held accountable for every influence that I allow to damage my children.

The answer is not to forsake assembling with other members of Christ's body. But just because we worship with a certain congregation does not mean everyone in our families must participate in every one of its programs. While the church, Christ's bride, is clearly ordained of God to part of each our experience on an ongoing basis, this does not mean everything the local congregation does is pleasing to God, or intended by Him for our families' experience.

Our family has been affiliated with a certain congregation for nearly seven years now, but there are a number of programs we feel the Lord has called us to protect our children from. For example, our children attend the worship service with us rather than ever participating in the "Children's Church." Even if we were involved in directing the children's ministries they would be enticed to cultivate a value for the approval of peers above that of their parents. Tragically, in many churches the behavior of the children in "Children's Church" is quite less than reverent or worshipful. Irreverent behavior is contagious and we are convinced we must protect our children from acquiring this sinful disease.

Our children don't even go to Sunday School! I know this is shocking to many. I have been asked "How, then, do your children get Christian Education?" Repeating the query among those who know our family lifestyle raises laughs, but the questioners are serious. They can't imagine providing Christian Education informally in a Biblically disciplined home. I daresay my children are not deficient in their knowledge of scripture.

I thank the Lord for well-intentioned Sunday School teachers and Christian Education Directors who have a heart for the Lord and a sincere love for their students. At one time I served as director of a Sunday School bus ministry where we had 13 buses bringing in nearly 400 children weekly to the Church. Thank the Lord that there was some (minimal) fruit from all that effort. But as my own children started to come along I began questioning the influence in their lives.

Sunday School may be a God-ordained tool for evangelism, but I question whether it is God's ideal for the spiritual nurture of children from godly families. The scriptural directives to "Train up a child in the way he should go" (Proverbs 22:6) and "teach [these words] diligently to your children" (Deut. 6:6) are given to parents, not to some other institution. We know that government weakens families when it does for them what they are supposed to do themselves. The same is true of the church. Leaders in the church are to "equip the saints for the work" (Ephesians 4:12) not "do the work for the saints." The church needs to train parents to take responsibility for discipline their own children. Thankfully, there are more and more churches pursuing this vision.

My youth do not participate in youth groups for the same reasons. God's design for young people's social life is that it should flourish under the immediate protection of parents (more on this in a future article). Instead in the last several generations we have developed such a program mentality that we lose sight of the scripturally revealed program for lonely people (Ps. 68:5-6). This has led to such recent questionable creations as church singles groups. The forerunners were the Sunday School and then later the youth groups.

Yet we never find such programs in scripture. Now this does not necessarily make Sunday Schools and Youth groups wrong. However they should at least be open to question since they are not founded upon precedent in God's word. But today these extra-biblical programs have become such sacred cows that they are "untouchable."

Please forgive my intense language. If God leads a church to form a Sunday School or Youth Group, they obviously must obey God. But I seriously doubt that most such programs result from such direct leading. Instead it has become such accepted practice ("tradition of the elders") to have these children's and youth programs that it is unthinkable to have a church without them. Yet the New Testament churches flourished without our modern programs. Maybe we should rethink our embrace of the assembly-line mentality that has produced these programs. At the very least, even if the Lord leads my church to have a Sunday School or Youth Group that does not necessarily mean He wants my children to be part of them.

Let me take this principle even further. As my wife and I have concluded God wants us to shelter our children from unsupervised peer relationships we have set up an authority structure among our children where the older protect and serve the younger. Thus we allow our children to play with one another unsupervised as long as no outsiders are present. But when children from other families are visiting we cannot allow them to play with our children without our supervision because they naturally will not understand and follow our birth-order authority structure.

This means we limit our children's interaction with neighborhood children to times when we can see and hear everything. This is, of course, rather confining to the children, and puts pressure on us. But we are convinced we will be held accountable for every influence our children experience and thus must be aware of each influence and in enough control to immediately modify anything beyond what is pleasing to the Lord. Every time we have relaxed this standard we have almost immediately seen the negative fruit in our children's attitudes and actions, and have regretted our compromise.

If your family visited our family we would not allow our children to play with yours unsupervised. You can imagine that we have offended many folks as we implement this conviction. Some have suggested, "Do you think your children are too good for our children?" That is not the case at all. My children would likely be a bad influence on your children as well. Fools are not good for fools. I don't mean to be ungracious toward my children, but we understand that "the rod of correction" has not yet completed its work to "drive it [foolishness] out" of their hearts. We understand this to be the case with others children as well.

Because of this, we don't go out of our way to cultivate peer relationships for our children. They see their friends at church and in the neighborhood, but only in our presence. We seldom participate in institutional outings where there are large numbers of other children, even when such activities are sponsored by homeschool support groups. We definitely do not allow any one of our children to spend the night at the home of some friend. This is asking for pooling of foolishness that will frequently be the source of significant regrets.

Our children's social lives are, in fact, rich and varied. Rather than narrowly limiting their friendships to those their own ages, our frequent hospitality provides the ground for interacting with a wide diversity of people of varying ages. Far from being isolated from the "real world," our children have learned to develop serving relationships with older people and children much younger than themselves as well as others their own age. Hospitality-based socializing allows parents to directly supervise their children's development of social skills much more effectively than institutionally or program-based activities.

Other Influences

Another major area of sheltering Connie and I have been convicted to implement relates to our children's imaginations. Paul told us (2 Corinthians 10:6) "[cast] down vain imaginations, and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, and [bring] every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ." What kinds of imaginations might be displeasing to God and thus need to "cast down" and brought "into captivity to the obedience of Christ?"

Jesus gave us a couple of examples of ungodly imaginations. In Matthew 5:21-22 he said, "You have heard that it was said to those of old, 'You shall not murder, and whoever murders will be in danger of the judgment.' But I say to you that whoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment. And whoever says to his brother, 'Raca!' shall be in danger of the council. But whoever says, 'You fool!' shall be in danger of hell fire." In other words, to imagine hateful things about another is sin just as murder in physical life is.

Again Jesus said (Matthew 5:27-28), "You have heard that it was said to those of old, 'You shall not commit adultery.' But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart." What is Jesus telling us? Apparently it is wrong for us to imagine inwardly anything that would be displeasing to God for us to carry out outwardly.

Are our children ever inclined to pretend something God would not want them to do in real life. Mine certainly are! Do children, in their play, ever pretend to be rude, disrespectful, violent, etc. We have even forbidden certain toys that facilitate ungodly imaginations.

When you as spiritually discerning parents pass the toy section in department stores you must be deeply grieved. Have you noticed how many of today's toys are downright ugly? We're not talking mildly homely. Many of today's toys are utterly grotesque! Hideous! Someone is trying to shape children's sense of beauty and we must protect our little ones from such a diabolical agenda.

And have you noticed how many children's toys are linked to imagining occult activities. Does God want our children casting spells, practicing witchcraft, and saying magical incantations in real life? Of course not! Then how dare we allow them to imagine such things in their play? The purpose of children's play is practice for real life. We dare not allow them to practice for what God calls abominations!

We have gone so far as to ban such "anatomically correct" teen dolls as Barbie dolls from our home. Why? Such toys encourage little girls to focus on the very things Peter warns against in 1 Peter 3:3-4, "Do not let your adornment be outward; arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel; rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God."

Another experience we believe God has directed us to shelter our children from is premature and unauthorized romance. The issue is not simply endeavoring to survive the teen years physically pure. Paul makes it clear (1 Thessalonians 4:6) that emotional purity is also important, saying "that no one should go beyond and defraud his brother in this matter" of moral purity. Notice that it is not enough to draw a line and commit oneself to not "go beyond" in physical morality. We must also commit ourselves to not "defraud" others romantically.

What is defrauding? In business transactions it is cheating. It is causing another to desire and expect something that will not be legitimately fulfilled. Does this ever happen in romantic relationships? Of course it does! The contemporary dating patterns among modern youth are the epitome of defrauding. Most of us find that the regrets of our past romantic relationships continue to cause pain. Many marriages suffer from the baggage of previous emotional bonds that continue to impact the current marital relationship. God calls us to spare our children our regrets.

The best modern term for what Paul calls defrauding is flirting. I challenge young people to commit themselves to avoid flirting as emotional promiscuity. The broken heart syndrome of the dating patterns our children have inherited from us are not preparation for marital bliss, but rather for divorce! Breaking up is hard to do, but the more you do it the better you get at it.

I am excited to see God raising a standard among many Christian young people today through commitments to "courtship" as opposed to "dating." Let me suggest, though, that while I am convinced we are heading in the right direction, courtship is no more scriptural than dating. You will not only never find the word "courtship" in the Bible, you will not even find the idea!

There is, however, a scriptural pattern for moving from singleness to marriage without defrauding. The scriptural pattern makes it possible for a young man to be a "one-woman man" emotionally as well as physically. A young lady can save her heart as well as her body for the one man God has prepared her for. The process in scripture known as "betrothal" permits a young person to release their emotions to one they have become committed to marry without any risk of being defrauded. (I will deal with this topic at more length in a future article.) Sparing young people from defrauding is a critical issue that is being mostly neglected in today's church. Physical purity is not enough!

Another issue the Lord has led our family to confront and "pluck out" of our experience is the idolatry of academic standardization. As a result of the industrial revolution and its assembly-line mentality, we have applied the concepts of standardization and quality control to education. Thus even for homeschoolers our whole educational experience is based on comparing one student's progress with someone's idea of a "norm." The problem with this is that comparison breeds conformity. Paul warns of the foolishness of comparisons, saying (2 Corinthians 10:12), "for we dare not class ourselves or compare ourselves with those who commend themselves. But they, measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise."

Most homeschoolers are quite concerned that their students maintain their "grade level" and score well on "standardized tests." Such tests are nothing more or less than a comparison with a norm group (peer group?). When we focus on measuring progress with such comparisons we find this driving our curriculum. We teach in preparation for this test (comparison) rather than preparation for life. Thus our curriculum is pressed into conformity to the world's agenda rather than being directed by Spirit-led parents following God's word.

This bondage to standardization becomes a modern idolatry similar to the failure of Old Testament kings to "pull down the high places." (Thanks to Inge Cannon for this insight.) These otherwise righteous kings would eliminate idolatry during their own reigns but left the idolatrous shrines in place that tempted the following generation to return to idolatry. By our endeavoring to keep our children in sync with the educational agendas of the world (grade levels, etc.) are we simply keeping the door open for a possible retreat to the world's institutions.

What if a child spent his first eight to twelve years learning to be an obedient, diligent child, soaking in memorized scripture and Bible stories told and audibly read by his parents and older siblings? Who says a child must learn to read at age 5-6? Certainly the Bible doesn't require such. Everyone knows that little boys, for example, are typically delayed in maturation as compared to girls. Yet we force them to struggle with the same curricula. I just happen to be one who didn't learn to read until age 10. If I had been homeschooled my parents could have spared me from the assumption that I was dumb and an academic failure. I just wasn't ready yet! I should have been learning diligence and godliness instead of trying to acquire the knowledge that puffs up (1 Corinthians  8:1).

If parents relax and delay academic pressures it will often make the next issue much simpler. Connie and I have come to realize we must also shelter our children from ungodly and inappropriate literature. We cannot allow our children to select just anything that strikes their fancy in a public library. Have you noticed how those with perverse agendas have particularly targeted the genre of children's fiction to propagate their wicked ideas. The sodomites, new-agers, feminists, etc. seem to be especially intent on shaping the thinking of the next generation through "politically correct" literature. For example, you'll be hard-pressed, these days, to find a secular children's story book where there is both a mommy and a daddy. Someone is trying to shape children's thoughts about what is normal. We must protect our little ones.

Tragically, even with "Christian" children's literature we are having to be discerning. Many Christian children's authors seem to think that to be relevant they must portray characters who are cool, cocky, savvy, and street-wise. I cannot allow such rebellious heroes to be the role models for my children. Christian children's magazines and books are so often tainted by such abominations that we have had to take the stance that all of our children's reading materials must be previously screened until they have demonstrated an ability and commitment to reject compromising literature at the first hint.

Additionally, there are issues that are appropriate for you and I as adults to deal with, that are not appropriate for our children. Titles such as "What To Do If Your Daddy and Mommy Don't Love Each Other Anymore" and "What To Do If Someone Touches You In The Wrong Place" are inappropriate for immature children. Yes, there are dangers in the world, but the answer isn't to make our children suspicious of all the adults in their lives. The issue is, are they being protected?

Let me make one other point regarding literature. Is it really necessary to use occult symbols to teach children about the kingdom of God? I am alarmed at the growing popularity in the genre of Christian fantasy that uses witches, wizards, goblins, and magicians to ostensibly communicate scriptural truth. Is this pleasing to God? We have even eliminated C. S. Lewis's Chronicles of Narnia from our children's reading. Lewis had a fascination with the occult, and it shows in his children's fiction.

Another issue we have had to deal with is that of modesty. It would be ludicrous for me to endeavor to impose my standards of modesty on other families. But it is also ludicrous to allow our children and their peers to set our families' standards of modesty. Your children will acquire a taste for certain styles and exposures. Begin when they are small. If there is something you don't want your daughter to where when she is fifteen years old, don't allow her to dress that way when she is five.

The purpose for clothing is not primarily to protect us from the elements. It is modesty! When Adam & Eve sinned their first impulse was to cover themselves. It didn't suddenly get cold. When God rejected their fig leaves, I suspect it was at least partly because He wanted more sturdy and modest garments.

Another issue we must all face is ungodly music. There is some so-called music that my spirit clashes with. This is not simply a matter of differing musical tastes. I cannot always define exactly why, but I know certain types of music seem to incite the baser desires of the flesh. Again, I can't and shouldn't set the standards for music in your home, but neither should your children and their peers. You, the parents, should be courageous in determining what pleases God, and giving your children a taste for godly music by limiting their experience.

Please be careful about radios. Radios are inanimate objects that can be used for God's glory. But they can also be an incredible responsibility. When I was fifteen years old I was trusted with my first radio. As soon as my parents were out of ear-shot I began experimenting with music I knew they would not be pleased with. For the next six years I resisted their standards of music and to this day I have regrets from that. I will walk through a grocery store and here the "oldies" melodies and all the wicked, perverse words will flood my mind. I will never be able to totally purge my mind of what I dumped there, but I can spare my children such a regret. We give each of our children tape players and worshipful praise tapes. Parents can control what is on a tape, but you cannot control what comes over the airwaves.

A final issue is the television. TV is an incredibly powerful tool and can undoubtedly be used for good. In most of our cases, however, it opens the door to temptations that we don't fully resist. I tried for years to control the monster. I would make strict rules governing its use, but I was invariably the first one to break the rules. Jesus said, concerning offending members, that we should "pluck it out" (Matt. 5:29-30; 18:8-9). I knew I should get rid of the television, but I just couldn't. I was addicted!

The Psalmist claimed (Ps. 101:3), "I will set nothing wicked before my eyes." I not only set wicked things before my own eyes, I set wicked things before my children's eyes. "But whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to sin, it would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck, and he were drowned in the depth of the sea. Woe to the world because of offenses! For offenses must come, but woe to that man by whom the offense comes!" (Matt. 18:6-7) Woe is me! I am the man who would be better to have a millstone hung around my neck!

Paul makes it clear (1 Corinthians 6:12) that "all things are legal for me, but all things are not helpful. All things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any." There is no rule that says, "Television is a sin!" But if you (or your children) are "brought under its power" it is "not helpful." If you are even slightly addicted like I was, perhaps God calls you to be delivered from television's grip by simply "plucking it out."

Ultimately that is what I had to do. In 1984 we finally got rid of our television. It was one of the turning points of my life. As I surrendered this watershed issue to the Lord he allowed me to experience "abundant life" (John 10:10) more than just theologically. I found that abundant life is something you live not watch! I cannot imagine enjoying the fruitfulness our family now experiences if we still had a television.

In focusing on the things God has directed us to "pluck out" of our children's experience it is possible to lose sight of the positive, pro-active things we replace these with. It is possible to so emphasis the defensive strategies that we lose sight of the offense. Our children do not feel stifled or neglected. They are unusually joyful, delighted children. From their earliest ages we persuade them that surrendering to God's design produces a far superior lifestyle than the vanity of pursuing the world's emptiness. We replace the corrupting influences with an excitement cultivating hearts after God's heart.

Still the pre-requisite to any offensive strategies is a good defense. My challenge to Christian parents is to DARE TO SHELTER their children. We are to "lead them not into temptation but deliver them from evil" (Luke 11:4) by protecting them from temptations they have not proven an ability and commitment to reject. We will be held accountable for every influence we allow to cause them to stumble. God, give us Your courage and grace.