I SUPPOSE that most
professing Christians are acquainted with the text at the head of this page. The
sound of it is probably familiar to your ears, like an old tune. It is likely
you have heard it, or read it, talked of it, or quoted it, many a time. Is it
not so?
But, after all, how little
is the substance of this text regarded! The doctrine it contains appears
scarcely known, the duty it puts before us seems fearfully seldom practised.
Reader, do I not speak the truth?
It cannot be said that the
subject is a new one. The world is old, and we have the experience of nearly
six thousand years to help us. We live in days when there is a mighty zeal for
education in every quarter. We hear of new schools rising on all sides. We are
told of new systems, and new books for the young, of every sort and
description. And still for all this, the vast majority of children are
manifestly not trained in the way they should go, for when they grow up to
man's estate, they do not walk with God.
Now how shall we account
for this state of things ? The plain truth is, the Lord's commandment in our
text is not regarded; and therefore the Lord's promise in our text is not
fulfilled.
Reader, these things may
well give rise to great searchings of heart. Suffer then a word of exhortation
from a minister, about the right training of children. Believe me, the subject
is one that should come home to every conscience, and make every one ask
himself the question, "Am I in this matter doing what I can?"
It is a subject that
concerns almost all. There is hardly a household that it does not touch.
Parents, nurses, teachers, godfathers, godmothers, uncles, aunts, brothers,
sisters, all have an interest in it. Few can be found, I think, who might not
influence some parent in the management of his family, or affect the training
of some child by suggestion or advice. All of us, I suspect, can do something
here, either directly or indirectly, and I wish to stir up all to bear this in
remembrance.
It is a subject, too, on
which all concerned are in great danger of coming short of their duty. This is
preeminently a point in which men can see the faults of their neighbours more
clearly than their own. They will often bring up their children in the very
path which they have denounced to their friends as unsafe. They will see motes
in other men's families, and overlook beams in their own. They will be quick
sighted as eagles in detecting mistakes abroad, and yet blind as bats to fatal
errors which are daily going on at home. They will be wise about their
brother's house, but foolish about their own flesh and blood. Here, if
anywhere, we have need to suspect our own judgment. This, too, you will do well
to bear in mind.
As a minister, I cannot
help remarking that there is hardly any subject about which people seem so
tenacious as they are about their children. I have sometimes been perfectly
astonished at the slowness of sensible Christian parents to allow that their
own children are in fault, or deserve blame. There are not a few persons to
whom I would far rather speak about their own sins, than tell them their
children had done anything wrong.
Come now, and let me place
before you a few hints about right training. God the Father, God the Son, God
the Holy Ghost bless them, and make them words in season to you all. Reject
them not because they are blunt and simple; despise them not because they
contain nothing new. Be very sure, if you would train children for heaven, they
are hints that ought not to be lightly set aside.
Remember children are born
with a decided bias towards evil, and therefore if you let them choose for
themselves, they are certain to choose wrong.
The mother cannot tell what
her tender infant may grow up to be, tall or short, weak or strong, wise or
foolish he may be any of these things or not, it is all uncertain. But one
thing the mother can say with certainty: he will have a corrupt and sinful
heart. It is natural to us to do wrong. "Foolishness," says Solomon,
"is bound in the heart of a child" (Prov. xxii. 15). "A child
left to himself bringeth his mother to shame" (Prov. xxix. 15). Our hearts
are like the earth on which we tread; let it alone, and it is sure to bear
weeds.
If, then, you would deal
wisely with your child, you must not leave him to the guidance of his own will.
Think for him, judge for him, act for him, just as you would for one weak and
blind; but for pity's sake, give him not up to his own wayward tastes and
inclinations. It must not be his likings and wishes that are consulted. He
knows not yet what is good for his mind and soul, any more than what is good
for his body. You do not let him decide what he shall eat, and what he shall
drink, and how he shall be clothed. Be consistent, and deal with his mind in
like manner. Train him in the way that is scriptural and right, and not in the
way that he fancies.
If you cannot make up your
mind to this first principle of Christian training, it is useless for you to
read any further. Self-will is almost the first thing that appears in a child's
mind; and it must be your first step to resist it.
I do not mean that you are
to spoil him, but I do mean that you should let him see that you love him.
Love should be the silver
thread that runs through all your conduct. Kindness, gentleness,
long-suffering, forbearance, patience, sympathy, a willingness to enter into
childish troubles, a readiness to take part in childish joys, these are the
cords by which a child may be led most easily, these are the clues you must
follow if you would find the way to his heart.
Few are to be found, even
among grown-up people, who are not more easy to draw than to drive. There is
that in all our minds which rises in arms against compulsion; we set up our
backs and stiffen our necks at the very idea of a forced obedience. We are like
young horses in the hand of a breaker: handle them kindly, and make much of
them, and by and by you may guide them with thread; use them roughly and
violently, and it will be many a month before you get the mastery of them at
all.
Now children's minds are
cast in much the same mould as our own. Sternness and severity of manner chill
them and throw them back. It shuts up their hearts, and you will weary yourself
to find the door. But let them only see that you have an affectionate feeling
towards them, that you are really desirous to make them happy, and do them
good, that if you punish them, it is intended for their profit, and that, like
the pelican, you would give your heart's blood to nourish their souls; let them
see this, I say, and they will soon be all your own. But they must be wooed
with kindness, if their attention is ever to be won.
And surely reason itself
might teach us this lesson. Children are weak and tender creatures, and, as
such, they need patient and considerate treatment. We must handle them
delicately, like frail machines, lest by rough fingering we do more harm than
good. They are like young plants, and need gentle watering, often, but little
at a time.
We must not expect all
things at once. We must remember what children are, and teach them as they are
able to bear. Their minds are like a lump of metal not to be forged and made
useful at once, but only by a succession of little blows. Their understandings
are like narrow-necked vessels: we must pour in the wine of knowledge
gradually, or much of it will be spilled and lost. "Line upon line, and
precept upon precept, here a little and there a little," must be our rule.
The whetstone does its work slowly, but frequent rubbing will bring the scythe
to a fine edge. Truly there is need of patience in training a child, but
without it nothing can be done.
Nothing will compensate for
the absence of this tenderness and love. A minister may speak the truth as it
is in Jesus, clearly, forcibly, unanswerably; but if he does not speak it in
love, few souls will be won. Just so you must set before your children their
duty, command, threaten, punish, reason, but if affection be wanting in your
treatment, your labour will be all in vain.
Love is one grand secret of
successful training. Anger and harshness may frighten, but they will not persuade
the child that you are right; and if he sees you often out of temper, you will
soon cease to have his respect. A father who speaks to his son as Saul did to
Jonathan (1 Sam. xx. 30), need not expect to retain his influence over that
son's mind.
Try hard to keep up a hold
on your child's affections. It is a dangerous thing to make your children
afraid of you. Anything is almost better than reserve and constraint between
your child and yourself; and this will come in with fear. Fear puts an end to openness
of manner; fear leads to concealment; fear sows the seed of much hypocrisy, and
leads to many a lie. There is a mine of truth in the Apostle's words to the
Colossians: "Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be
discouraged" (Col. iii. 21). Let not the advice it contains be overlooked.
Grace is the strongest of
all principles. See what a revolution grace effects when it comes into the
heart of an old sinner, how it overturns the strongholds of Satan, how it casts
down mountains, fills up valleys, makes crooked things straight, and new
creates the whole man. Truly nothing is impossible to grace.
Nature, too, is very
strong. See how it struggles against the things of the
But after nature and grace,
undoubtedly, there is nothing more powerful than education. Early habits (if I
may so speak) are everything with us, under God. We are made what we are by
training. Our character takes the form of that mould into which our first years
are cast.'
"He has seen but little of life who does not discern everywhere the effect of education on men's opinions and habits of thinking. The children bring out of the nursery that which displays itself throughout their lives." Cecil.
We depend, in a vast
measure, on those who bring us up. We get from them a colour, a taste, a bias
which cling to us more or less all our lives. We catch the language of our
nurses and mothers, and learn to speak it almost insensibly, and unquestionably
we catch something of their manners, ways, and mind at the same time. Time only
will show, I suspect, how much we all owe to early impressions, and how many
things in us may be traced up to seeds sown in the days of our very infancy, by
those who were about us. A very learned Englishman, Mr. Locke, has gone so far
as to say: "That of all the men we meet with, nine parts out of ten are
what they are, good or bad, useful or not, according to their education."
And all this is one of
God's merciful arrangements. He gives your children a mind that will receive
impressions like moist clay. He gives them a disposition at the starting-point
of life to believe what you tell them, and to take for granted what you advise
them, and to trust your word rather than a stranger's. He gives you, in short,
a golden opportunity of doing them good. See that the opportunity be not
neglected, and thrown away. Once let slip, it is gone for ever.
Beware of that miserable
delusion into which some have fallen, that parents can do nothing for their
children, that you must leave them alone, wait for grace, and sit still. These
persons have wishes for their children in Balaam's fashion, they would like
them to die the death of the righteous man, but they do nothing to make them
live his life. They desire much, and have nothing. And the devil rejoices to see
such reasoning, just as he always does over anything which seems to excuse
indolence, or to encourage neglect of means.
I know that you cannot
convert your child. I know well that they who are born again are born, not of
the will of man, but of God. But I know also that God says expressly,
"Train up a child in the way he should go," and that He never laid a
command on man which He would not give man grace to perform. And I know, too,
that our duty is not to stand still and dispute, but to go forward and obey. It
is just in the going forward that God will meet us. The path of obedience is
the way in which He gives the blessing. We have only to do as the servants were
commanded at the marriage feast in
Precious, no doubt, are
these little ones in your eyes; but if you love them, think often of their
souls. No interest should weigh with you so much as their eternal interests. No
part of them should be so dear to you as that part which will never die. The
world, with all its glory, shall pass away; the hills shall melt; the heavens shall
be wrapped together as a scroll; the sun shall cease to shine. But the spirit
which dwells in those little creatures, whom you love so well, shall outlive
them all, and whether in happiness or misery (to speak as a man) will depend on
you.
This is the thought that
should be uppermost on your mind in all you do for your children. In every step
you take about them, in every plan, and scheme, and arrangement that concerns
them, do not leave out that mighty question, "How will this affect their
souls?"
Soul love is the soul of
all love. To pet and pamper and indulge your child, as if this world was all he
had to look to, and this life the only season for happiness to do this is not
true love, but cruelty. It is treating him like some beast of the earth, which
has but one world to look to, and nothing after death. It is hiding from him
that grand truth, which he ought to be made to learn from his very infancy,.
that the chief end of his life is the salvation of his soul.
A true Christian must be no
slave to fashion, if he would train his child for heaven. He must not be
content to do things merely because they are the custom of the world; to teach
them and instruct them in certain ways, merely because it is usual; to allow
them to read books of a questionable sort, merely because everybody else reads
them; to let them form habits of a doubtful tendency, merely because they are
the habits of the day. He must train with an eye to his children's souls. He
must not be ashamed to hear his training called singular and strange. What if
it is? The time is short, the fashion of this world passeth away. He that has
trained his children for heaven, rather than for earth, for God, rather than
for man, - he is the parent that will be called wise at last.
You cannot make your
children love the Bible, I allow. None but the Holy Ghost can give us a heart
to delight in the Word. But you can make your children acquainted with the
Bible; and be sure they cannot be acquainted with that blessed book too soon,
or too well.
A thorough knowledge of the
Bible is the foundation of all clear views of religion. He that is
well-grounded in it will not generally be found a waverer, and carried about by
every wind of new doctrine. Any system of training which does not make a
knowledge of Scripture the first thing is unsafe and unsound.
You have need to be careful
on this point just now, for the devil is abroad, and error abounds. Some are to
be found amongst us who give the Church the honour due to Jesus Christ. Some
are to be found who make the sacraments saviours and passports to eternal life.
And some are to be found in like manner who honour a catechism more than the
Bible, or fill the minds of their children with miserable little story-books,
instead of the Scripture of truth. But if you love your children, let the
simple Bible be everything in the training of their souls; and let all other
books go down and take the second place.
Care not so much for their
being mighty in the catechism, as for their being mighty in the Scriptures.
This is the training, believe me, that God will honour. The Psalmist says of
Him, " Thou hast magnified Thy Word above all Thy name" (Ps.
cxxxviii. 2); and I think that He gives an especial blessing to all who try to
magnify it among men.
See that your children read
the Bible reverently. Train them to look on it, not as the word of men, but as
it is in truth, the Word of God, written by the Holy Ghost Himself, all true,
all profitable, and able to make us wise unto salvation, through faith which is
in Christ Jesus.
See that they read it
regularly. Train them to regard it as their soul's daily food, as a thing
essential to their soul's daily health. I know well you can not make this
anything more than a form; but there is no telling the amount of sin which a
mere form may indirectly restrain.
See that they read it all.
You need not shrink from bringing any doctrine before them. You need not fancy
that the leading doctrines of Christianity are things which children cannot
understand. Children understand far more of the Bible than we are apt to
suppose.
Tell them of sin, its
guilt, its consequences, its power, its vileness: you will find they can
comprehend something of this.
Tell them of the Lord Jesus
Christ, and His work for our salvation, the atonement, the cross, the blood,
the sacrifice, the intercession: you will discover there is something not
beyond them in all this.
Tell them of the work of
the Holy Spirit in man's heart, how He changes, and renews, and sanctifies, and
purifies: you will soon see they can go along with you in some measure in this.
In short, I suspect we have no idea how much a little child can take in of the
length and breadth of the glorious gospel. They see far more of these things than
we suppose.
As to the age when the
religious instruction of a child should begin, no general rule can be laid
down. The mind seems to open in some children much more quickly than in others.
We seldom begin too early. There are wonderful examples on record of what a
child can attain to, even at three years old.
Fill their minds with
Scripture. Let the Word dwell in them richly. Give them the Bible, the whole
Bible, even while they are young.
Prayer is the very
life-breath of true religion. It is one of the first evidences that a man is
born again. "Behold," said the Lord of Saul, in the day he sent
Ananias to him, "Behold, he prayeth" (Acts ix. 11). He had begun to
pray, and that was proof enough.
Prayer was the
distinguishing mark of the Lord's people in the day that there began to be a
separation between them and the world. "Then began men to call upon the
name of the Lord" (Gen. iv. 26).
Prayer is the peculiarity
of all real Christians now. They pray, for they tell God their wants, their
feelings, their desires, their fears; and mean what they say. The nominal
Christian may repeat prayers, and good prayers too, but he goes no further.
Prayer is the turning-point
in a man's soul. Our ministry is unprofitable, and our labour is vain, till you
are brought to your knees. Till then, we have no hope about you.
Prayer is one great secret
of spiritual prosperity. When there is much private communion with God, your
soul will grow like the grass after rain; when there is little, all will be at
a standstill, you will barely keep your soul alive. Show me a growing
Christian, a going forward Christian, a strong Christian, a flourishing
Christian, and sure am I, he is one that speaks often with his Lord. He asks
much, and he has much. He tells Jesus everything, and so he always knows how to
act.
Prayer is the mightiest
engine God has placed in our hands. It is the best weapon to use in every
difficulty, and the surest remedy in every trouble. It is the key that unlocks
the treasury of promises, and the hand that draws forth grace and help in time
of need. It is the silver trumpet God commands us to sound in all our
necessity, and it is the cry He has promised always to attend to, even as a
loving mother to the voice of her child.
Prayer is the simplest
means that man can use in coming to God. It is within reach of all, the sick,
the aged, the infirm, the paralytic, the blind, the poor, the unlearned, all
can pray. It avails you nothing to plead want of memory, and want of learning,
and want of books, and want of scholarship in this matter. So long as you have
a tongue to tell your soul's state, you may and ought to pray. Those words,
"Ye have not, because ye ask not" (Jas. iv. 2), will be a fearful
condemnation to many in the day of judgment.
Parents, if you love your
children, do all that lies in your power to train them up to a habit of prayer.
Show them how to begin. Tell them what to say. Encourage them to persevere.
Remind them if they become careless and slack about it. Let it not be your
fault, at any rate, if they never call on the name of the Lord.
This, remember, is the
first step in religion which a child is able to take. Long before he can read,
you can teach him to kneel by his mother's side, and repeat the simple words of
prayer and praise which she puts in his mouth. And as the first steps in any
undertaking are always the most important, so is the manner in which your
children's prayers are prayed, a point which deserves your closest attention.
Few seem to know how much depends on this. You must beware lest they get into a
way of saying them in a hasty, careless, and irreverent manner. You must beware
of giving up the oversight of this matter to servants and nurses, or of
trusting too much to your children doing it when left to themselves. I cannot
praise that mother who never looks after this most important part of her
child's daily life herself. Surely if there be any habit which your own hand
and eye should help in forming, it is the habit of prayer. Believe me, if you
never hear your children pray yourself, you are much to blame. You are little
wiser than the bird described in Job, "which leaveth her eggs in the
earth, and warmeth them in the dust, and forgetteth that the foot may crush
them, or that the wild beast may break them. She is hardened against her young
ones, as though they were not hers: her labour is in vain without fear"
(Job xxxix. 14-1 6).
Prayer is, of all habits,
the one which we recollect the longest. Many a grey-headed man could tell you
how his mother used to make him pray in the days of his childhood. Other things
have passed away from his mind perhaps. The church where he was taken to
worship, the minister whom he heard preach, the companions who used to play
with him, all these, it may be, have passed from his memory, and left no mark
behind. But you will often find it is far different with his first prayers. He
will often be able to tell you where he knelt, and what he was taught to say, and
even how his mother looked all the while. It will come up as fresh before his
mind's eye as if it was but yesterday.
Reader, if you love your
children, I charge you, do not let the seed-time of a prayerful habit pass away
unimproved. If you train your children to anything, train them, at least, to a
habit of prayer.
Tell them of the duty and
privilege of going to the house of God, and joining in the prayers of the congregation.
Tell them that wherever the Lord's people are gathered together, there the Lord
Jesus is present in an especial manner, and that those who absent themselves
must expect, like the Apostle Thomas, to miss a blessing. Tell them of the
importance of hearing the Word preached, and that it is God's ordinance for
converting, sanctifying, and building up the souls of men. Tell them how the
Apostle Paul enjoins us not "to forsake the assembling of ourselves
together, as the manner of some is" (Heb. x. 25); but to exhort one
another, to stir one another up to it, and so much the more as we see the day
approaching.
I call it a sad sight in a
church when nobody comes up to the Lord's table but the elderly people, and the
young men and the young women all turn away. But I call it a sadder sight still
when no children are to be seen in a church, excepting those who come to the
Sunday School, and are obliged to attend. Let none of this guilt lie at your
doors. There are many boys and girls in every parish, besides those who come to
school, and you who are their parents and friends should see to it that they
come with you to church.
Do not allow them to grow
up with a habit of making vain excuses for not coming. Give them plainly to
understand, that so long as they are under your roof it is the rule of your
house for every one in health to honour the Lord's house upon the Lord's day,
and that you reckon the Sabbath-breaker to be a murderer of his own soul.
See to it too, if it can be
so arranged, that your children go with you to church, and sit near you when
they are there. To go to church is one thing, but to behave well at church is
quite another. And believe me, there is no security for good behaviour like
that of having them under your own eye.
The minds of young people
are easily drawn aside, and their attention lost, and every possible means
should be used to counteract this. I do not like to see them coming to church
by themselves, they often get into bad company by the way, and so learn more
evil on the Lord's day than in all the rest of the week. Neither do I like to
see what I call "a young people's corner" in a church. They often
catch habits of inattention and irreverence there, which it takes years to
unlearn, if ever they are unlearned at all. What I like to see is a whole
family sitting together, old and young, side by side, men, women, and children,
serving God according to their households.
But there are some who say
that it is useless to urge children to attend means of grace, because they
cannot understand them.
I would not have you listen
to such reasoning. I find no such doctrine in the Old Testament. When Moses
goes before Pharaoh (Ex. x. 9), I observe he says, "We will go with our
young and with our old, with our sons and with our daughters: for we must hold
a feast unto the Lord." When Joshua read the law (Josh. vmmm. 35), I
observe, "There was not a word which Joshua read not before all the
congregation of
Samuel, in the days of his
childhood, appears to have ministered unto the Lord some time before he really
knew Him. "Samuel did not yet know the Lord, neither was the word of the
Lord yet revealed unto him" (1 Sam. iii. 7). The Apostles themselves do
not seem to have understood all that our Lord said at the time that it was
spoken: "These things understood not His disciples at the first: but when
Jesus was glorified, then remembered they that these things were written of
Him" (John xii 1 6).
Parents, comfort your minds
with these examples. Be not cast down because your children see not the full
value of the means of grace now. Only train them up to a habit of regular
attendance. Set it before their minds as a high, holy, and solemn duty, and
believe me, the day will very likely come when they will bless you for your
deed.
I mean by this, you should
train them up to believe what you say. You should try to make them feel
confidence in your judgment, and respect your opinions, as better than their
own. You should accustom them to think that, when you say a thing is bad for
them, it must be bad, and when you say it is good for them, it must be good;
that your knowledge, in short, is better than their own, and that they may rely
implicitly on your word. Teach them to feel that what they know not now, they
will probably know hereafter, and to be satisfied there is a reason and a
needs-be for everything you require them to do.
Who indeed can describe the
blessedness of a real spirit of faith? Or rather, who can tell the misery that
unbelief has brought upon the world? Unbelief made Eve eat the forbidden fruit,
she doubted the truth of God's word: "Ye shall surely die." Unbelief
made the old world reject Noah's warning, and so perish in sin. Unbelief kept
I have heard it said by
some, that you should require nothing of children which they cannot understand
that you should explain and give a reason for everything you desire them to do.
I warn you solemnly against such a notion. I tell you plainly, I think it an
unsound and rotten principle. No doubt it is absurd to make a mystery of
everything you do, and there are many things which it is well to explain to
children, in order that they may see that they are reasonable and wise. But to
bring them up with the idea that they must take nothing on trust, that they,
with their weak and imperfect understandings, must have the " why "
and the "wherefore" made clear to them at every step they take, this
is indeed a fearful mistake, and likely to have the worst effect on their
minds.
Reason with your child if
you are so disposed, at certain times, but never forget to keep him in mind (if
you really love him) that he is but a child after all, that he thinks as a
child, he understands as a child, and therefore must not expect to know the
reason of everything at once.
Set before him the example
of Isaac, in the day when Abraham took him to offer him on
Tell your children, too,
that we must all be learners in our beginnings, that there is an alphabet to be
mastered in every kind of knowledge, that the best horse in the world had need
once to be broken, that a day will come when they will see the wisdom of all
your training. But in the meantime if you say a thing is right, it must be
enough for them, they must believe you, and be content.
Parents, if any point in
training is important, it is this. I charge you by the affection you have to
your children, use every means to train them up to a habit of faith.
This is an object which it
is worth any labour to attain. No habit, I suspect, has such an influence over
our lives as this. Parents, determine to make your children obey you, though it
may cost you much trouble, and cost them many tears. Let there be no
questioning, and reasoning, and disputing, and delaying, and answering again.
When you give them a command, let them see plainly that you will have it done.
Obedience is the only
reality. It is faith visible, faith acting, and faith incarnate. It is the test
of real discipleship among the Lord's people. "Ye are My friends if ye do
whatsoever I command you" (John xv. 14). It ought to be the mark of
well-trained children, that they do whatsoever their parents command them.
Where, in deed, is the honour which the fifth commandment enjoins, if fathers
and mothers are not obeyed cheerfully, willingly, and at once?
Early obedience has all
Scripture on its side. It is in Abraham's praise, not merely he will train his
family, but "he will command his children, and his household after
him" (Gen. xviii. 19). It is said of the Lord Jesus Christ Himself, that
when "He was young He was subject to Mary and Joseph" (Luke ii. 51).
Observe how implicitly Joseph obeyed the order of his father Jacob (Gen.
xxxvii. 13). See how Isaiah speaks of it as an evil thing, when "the child
shall behave himself proudly against the ancient" (Isa. iii. 5). Mark how
the Apostle Paul names disobedience to parents as one of the bad signs of the latter
days (2 Tim. iii. 2). Mark how he singles out this grace of requiring obedience
as one that should adorn a Christian minister: "a bishop must be one that
ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all
gravity." And again, "Let the deacons rule their children and their
own houses well " (1 Tim. iii. 4, 12). And again, an elder must be one
"having faithful children, children not accused of riot, or unruly"
(Tit. 1. 6).
Parents, do you wish to see
your children happy? Take care, then, that you train them to obey when they are
spoken to, to do as they are bid. Believe me, we are not made for entire
independence, we are not fit for it. Even Christ's freemen have a yoke to wear,
they "serve the Lord Christ" (Col. iii. 24). Children cannot learn too
soon that this is a world in which we are not all intended to rule, and that we
are never in our right place until we know how to obey our betters. Teach them
to obey while young, or else they will be fretting against God all their lives
long, and wear themselves out with the vain idea of being independent of His
control.
Reader, this hint is only
too much needed. You will see many in this day who allow their children to
choose and think for themselves long before they are able, and even make
excuses for their disobedience, as if it were a thing not to be blamed. To my
eyes, a parent always yielding, and a child always having its own way, are a
most painful sight ; painful, because I see God's appointed order of things
inverted and turned upside down; painful, because I feel sure the consequence
to that child's character in the end will be self-will, pride, and
self-conceit. You must not wonder that men refuse to obey their Father which is
in heaven, if you allow them, when children, to disobey their father who is
upon earth.
Parents, if you love your
children, let obedience be a motto and a watchword continually before their
eyes.
Truth-speaking is far less
common in the world than at first sight we are disposed to think. The whole
truth, and nothing but the truth, is a golden rule which many would do well to
bear in mind. Lying and prevarication are old sins. The devil was the father of
them, he deceived Eve by a bold lie, and ever since the fall it is a sin
against which all the children of Eve have need to be on their guard.
Only think how much
falsehood and deceit there is in the world! How much exaggeration! How many
additions are made to a simple story! How many things left out, if it does not
serve the speaker's interest to tell them! How few there are about us of whom
we can say, we put unhesitating trust in their word ! Verily the ancient
Persians were wise in their generation: it was a leading point with them in
educating their children, that they should learn to speak the truth. What an
awful proof it is of man's natural sinfulness, that it should be needful to
name such a point at all!
Reader, I would have you
remark how often God is spoken of in the Old Testament as the God of truth. Truth
seems to be especially set before us as a leading feature in the character of
Him with whom we have to do. He never swerves from the straight line. He abhors
lying and hypocrisy. Try to keep this continually before your children's minds.
Press upon them at all times, that less than the truth is a lie; that evasion,
excuse-making, and exaggeration are all halfway houses towards what is false,
and ought to be avoided. Encourage them in any circumstances to be
straightforward, and, whatever it may cost them, to speak the truth.
I press this subject on
your attention, not merely for the sake of your children's character in the
world, though I might dwell much on this, I urge it rather for your own comfort
and assistance in all your dealings with them. You will find it a mighty help
indeed, to be able always to trust their word. It will go far to prevent that
habit of concealment, which so unhappily prevails sometimes among children.
Openness and straightforwardness depend much upon a parent's treatment of this
matter in the days of our infancy.
Idleness is the devil's
best friend. It is the surest way to give him an opportunity of doing us harm.
An idle mind is like an open door, and if Satan does not enter in himself by
it, it is certain he will throw in something to raise bad thoughts in our
souls.
No created being was ever
meant to be idle. Service and work is the appointed portion of every creature
of God. The angels in heaven work, they are the Lord's ministering servants,
ever doing His will. Adam, in
And what is true of us, is
true of our children too. Alas, indeed, for the man that has nothing to do! The
Jews thought idleness a positive sin: it was a law of theirs that every man
should bring up his son to some useful trade, and they were right. They knew the
heart of man better than some of us appear to do.
Idleness made
Verily, I believe that
idleness has led to more sin than almost any other habit that could be named. I
suspect it is the mother of many a work of the flesh, the mother of adultery,
fornication, drunkenness, and many other deeds of darkness that I have not time
to name. Let your own conscience say whether I do not speak the truth. You were
idle, and at once the devil knocked at the door and came in.
And indeed I do not wonder
; everything in the world around us seems to teach the same lesson. It is the
still water which becomes stagnant and impure: the running, moving streams are
always clear. If you have steam machinery, you must work it, or it soon gets
out of order. If you have a horse, you must exercise him; he is never so well
as when he has regular work. If you would have good bodily health yourself, you
must take exercise. If you always sit still, your body is sure at length to
complain. And just so is it with the soul. The active moving mind is a hard
mark for the devil to shoot at. Try to be always full of useful employment, and
thus your enemy will find it difficult to get room to sow tares.
Reader, I ask you to set
these things before the minds of your children. Teach them the value of time,
and try to make them learn the habit of using it well. It pains me to see
children idling over what they have in hand, whatever it may be. I love to see
them active and industrious, and giving their whole heart to all they do;
giving their whole heart to lessons, when they have to learn; giving their
whole heart even to their amusements, when they go to play.
But if you love them well,
let idleness be counted a sin in your family.
This is the one point of
all on which you have most need to be on your guard. It is natural to be tender
and affectionate towards your own flesh and blood, and it is the excess of this
very tenderness and affection which you have to fear. Take heed that it does
not make you blind to your children's faults, and deaf to all advice about
them. Take heed lest it make you overlook bad conduct, rather than have the
pain of inflicting punishment and correction.
I know well that punishment
and correction are disagreeable things. Nothing is more unpleasant than giving
pain to those we love, and calling forth their tears. But so long as hearts are
what hearts are, it is vain to suppose, as a general rule, that children can
ever be brought up without correction.
Spoiling is a very
expressive word, and sadly full of meaning. Now it is the shortest way to spoil
children to let them have their own way, to allow them to do wrong and not to
punish them for it. Believe me, you must not do it, whatever pain it may cost
you unless you wish to ruin your children's souls.
You cannot say that
Scripture does not speak expressly on this subject: "He that spareth his
rod, hateth his son; but he that loveth him, chasteneth him betimes"
(Prov. xiii. 24). "Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy
soul spare for his crying" (Prov. xix. 18). "Foolishness is bound in
the heart of a child: but the rod of correction shall drive it from him"
(Prov. xxii. 15). "Withhold not correction from the child, for if thou
beatest him with the rod he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod,
and deliver his soul from hell" (Prov. xxiii. 13, 14). "The rod and
reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to
shame." "Correct thy son, and he shall give thee rest, yea, he shall
give delight to thy soul" (Prov. xxix. 15, 17).
How strong and forcible are
these texts! How melancholy is the fact, that in many Christian families they
seem almost unknown! Their children need reproof, but it is hardly ever given;
they need correction, but it is hardly ever employed. And yet this book of
Proverbs is not obsolete and unfit for Christians. It is given by inspiration
of God, and profitable. It is given for our learning, even as the Epistles to
the Romans and Ephesians. Surely the believer who brings up his children
without attention to its counsel is making himself wise above that which is
written, and greatly errs.
Fathers and mothers, I tell
you plainly, if you never punish your children when they are in fault, you are
doing them a grievous wrong. I warn you, this is the rock on which the saints
of God, in every age, have only too frequently made shipwreck. I would fain
persuade you to be wise in time, and keep clear of it. See it in Eli's case.
His sons Hophni and Phinehas "made themselves vile, and he restrained them
not." He gave them no more than a tame and lukewarm reproof, when he ought
to have rebuked them sharply. In one word, he honoured his sons above God. And
what was the end of these things? He lived to hear of the death of both his
sons in battle, and his own grey hairs were brought down with sorrow to the
grave (1 Sam. ii. 22- 29, iii. 13).
See, too, the case of
David. Who can read without pain the history of his children, and their sins?
Amnon's incest, Absalom's murder and proud rebellion, -Adonijah's scheming
ambition: truly these were grievous wounds for the man after God's own heart to
receive from his own house. But was there no fault on his side? I fear there
can be no doubt there was. I find a clue to it all in the account of Adonijah
in 1 Kings i. 6: "His father had not displeased him at any time in saying,
Why hast thou done so?" There was the foundation of all the mischief.
David was an over-indulgent father, a father who let his children have their
own way, and he reaped according as he had sown.
Parents, I beseech you, for
your children's sake, beware of over-indulgence. I call on you to remember, it
is your first duty to consult their real interests, and not their fancies and
likings; to train them, not to humour them to profit, not merely to please.
You must not give way to
every wish and caprice of your child's mind, however much you may love him. You
must not let him suppose his will is to be everything, and that he has only to
desire a thing and it will be done. Do not, I pray you, make your children
idols, lest God should take them away, and break your idol, just to convince
you of your folly.
Learn to say "No"
to your children. Show them that you are able to refuse whatever you think is
not fit for them. Show them that you are ready to punish disobedience, and that
when you speak of punishment, you are not only ready to threaten, but also to
perform. Do not threaten too much. Threatened folks, and threatened faults,
live long. Punish seldom, but really and in good earnest, frequent and slight
punishment is a wretched system indeed.
Some parents and nurses
have a way of saying, "Naughty child," to a boy or girl on every
slight occasion, and often without good cause. It is a very foolish habit.
Words of blame should never be used without real reason.
As to the best way of
punishing a child, no general rule can be laid down. The characters of children
are so exceedingly different, that what would be a severe punishment to one
child, would be no punishment at all to another. I only beg to enter my decided
protest against the modern notion that no child ought ever to be whipped.
Doubtless some parents use bodily correction far too much, and far too
violently; but many others, I fear, use it far too little.
Beware of letting small
faults pass unnoticed under the idea "it is a little one." There are
no little things in training children; all are important. Little weeds need
plucking up as much as any. Leave them alone, and they will soon be great.
Reader, if there be any
point which deserves your attention, believe me, it is this one. It is one that
will give you trouble, I know. But if you do not take trouble with your
children when they are young, they will give you trouble when they are old.
Choose which you prefer.
The Bible tells us that God
has an elect people, a family in this world. All poor sinners who have been
convinced of sin, and fled to Jesus for peace, make up that family. All of us
who really believe on Christ for salvation are its members.
Now God the Father is ever
training the members of this family for their everlasting abode with Him in
heaven. He acts as a husbandman pruning his vines, that they may bear more
fruit. He knows the character of each of us, our besetting sins, our
weaknesses, our peculiar infirmities, our special wants. He knows our works and
where we dwell, who are our companions in life, and what are our trials, what
our temptations, and what are our privileges. He knows all these things, and is
ever ordering all for our good. He allots to each of us, in His providence, the
very things we need, in order to bear the most fruit, as much of sunshine as we
can stand, and as much of rain, as much of bitter things as we can bear, and as
much of sweet. Reader, if you would train your children wisely, mark well how
God the Father trains His. He doeth all things well; the plan which He adopts
must be right.
See, then, how many things
there are which God withholds from His children. Few could be found, I suspect,
among them who have not had desires which He has never been pleased to fulfil.
There has often been some one thing they wanted to attain, and yet there has
always been some barrier to prevent attainment. It has been just as if God was
placing it above our reach, and saying, "This is not good for you; this
must not be." Moses desired exceedingly to cross over Jordan, and see the
goodly land of promise; but you will remember his desire was never granted.
See, too, how often God
leads His people by ways which seem dark and mysterious to our eyes. We cannot
see the meaning of all His dealings with us; we cannot see the reasonableness
of the path in which our feet are treading. Sometimes so many trials have
assailed us, so many difficulties encompassed us, that we have not been able to
discover the needs-be of it all. It has been just as if our Father was taking
us by the hand into a dark place and saying, "Ask no questions, but follow
Me." There was a direct road from Egypt to Canaan, yet Israel was not led
into it; but round, through the wilderness. And this seemed hard at the time.
"The soul of the people," we are told, "was much discouraged
because of the way" (Exod. xiii. 17; Num. xxi. 4).
See, also, how often God
chastens His people with trial and affliction. He sends them crosses and
disappointments; He lays them low with sickness; He strips them of property and
friends; He changes them from one position to another; He visits them with things
most hard to flesh and blood; and some of us have well-nigh fainted under the
burdens laid upon us. We have felt pressed beyond strength, and have been
almost ready to murmur at the hand which chastened us. Paul the Apostle had a
thorn in the flesh appointed him, some bitter bodily trial, no doubt, though we
know not exactly what it was. But this we know, he besought the Lord thrice
that it might be removed; yet it was not taken away (2 Cor. xii. 8, 9).
Now, reader,
notwithstanding all these things, did you ever hear of a single child of God
who thought his Father did not treat him wisely? No, I am sure you never did.
God's children would always tell you, in the long run, it was a blessed thing
they did not have their own way, and that God had done far better for them than
they could have done for themselves. Yes! And they could tell you, too, that
God's dealings had provided more happiness for them than they ever would have
obtained themselves, and that His way, however dark at times, was the way of pleasantness
and the path of peace.
I ask you to lay to heart
the lesson which God's dealings with His people is meant to teach you. Fear not
to withhold from your child anything you think will do him harm, whatever his
own wishes may be. This is God's plan.
Hesitate not to lay on him
commands, of which he may not at present see the wisdom, and to guide him in
ways which may not now seem reasonable to his mind. This is God's plan.
Shrink not from chastising
and correcting him whenever you see his soul's health requires it, however
painful it may be to your feelings; and remember medicines for the mind must
not be rejected because they are bitter. This is God's plan.
And be not afraid, above
all, that such a plan of training will make your child unhappy. I warn you
against this delusion. Depend on it, there is no surer road to unhappiness than
always having our own way. To have our wills checked and denied is a blessed
thing for us; it makes us value enjoyments when they come. To be indulged
perpetually is the way to be made selfish; and selfish people and spoiled
children, believe me, are seldom happy.
Reader, be not wiser than
God; train your children as He trains His.
Instruction, and advice,
and commands will profit little, unless they are backed up by the pattern of
your own life. Your children will never believe you are in earnest, and really
wish them to obey you, so long as your actions contradict your counsel.
Archbishop Tillotson made a wise remark when he said, "To give children
good instruction, and a bad example, is but beckoning to them with the head to
show them the way to heaven, while we take them by the hand and lead them in
the way to hell."
We little know the force
and power of example. No one of us can live to himself in this world; we are
always influencing those around us, in one way or another, either for good or
for evil, either for God or for sin. They see our ways, they mark our conduct,
they observe our behaviour, and what they see us practise, that they may fairly
suppose we think right. And never, I believe, does example tell so powerfully
as it does in the case of parents and children.
Fathers and mothers, do not
forget that children learn more by the eye than they do by the ear. No school
will make such deep marks on character as home. The best of schoolmasters will
not imprint on their minds as much as they will pick up at your fireside.
Imitation is a far stronger principle with children than memory. What they see
has a much stronger effect on their minds than what they are told.
Take care, then, what you
do before a child. It is a true proverb, "Who sins before a child, sins
double." Strive rather to be a living epistle of Christ, such as your
families can read, and that plainly too. Be an example of reverence for the
Word of God, reverence in prayer, reverence for means of grace, reverence for
the Lord's day. Be an example in words, in temper, in diligence, in temperance,
in faith, in charity, in kindness, in humility. Think not your children will
practise what they do not see you do. You are their model picture, and they
will copy what you are. Your reasoning and your lecturing, your wise comnmands
and your good advice; all this they may not understand, but they can understand
your life.
Children are very quick
observers; very quick in seeing through some kinds of hypocrisy, very quick in
finding out what you really think and feel, very quick in adopting all your
ways and opinions. You will often find as the father is, so is the son.
Remember the word that the
conqueror Caesar always used to his soldiers in a battle. He did not say
"Go forward," but "Come." So it must be with you in
training your children. They will seldom learn habits which they see you
despise, or walk in paths in which you do not walk yourself. He that preaches
to his children what he does not practise, is working a work that never goes
forward. It is like the fabled web of Penelope of old, who wove all day, and
unwove all night. Even so, the parent who tries to train without setting a good
example is building with one hand, and pulling down with the other.
I name this shortly, in
order to guard you against unscriptural expectations.
You must not expect to find
your children's minds a sheet of pure white paper, and to have no trouble if
you only use right means. I warn you plainly you will find no such thing. It is
painful to see how much corruption and evil there is in a young child's heart,
and how soon it begins to bear fruit. Violent tempers, self-will, pride, envy,
sullenness, passion, idleness, selfishness, deceit, cunning, falsehood,
hypocrisy, a terrible aptness to learn what is bad, a painful slowness to learn
what is good, a readiness to pretend anything in order to gain their own ends,
all these things, or some of them, you must be prepared to see, even in your
own flesh and blood. In little ways they will creep out at a very early age; it
is almost startling to observe how naturally they seem to spring up. Children
require no schooling to learn to sin.
But you must not be
discouraged and cast down by what you see. You must not think it a strange and
unusual thing, that little hearts can be so full of sin. It is the only portion
which our father Adam left us; it is that fallen nature with which we come into
the world; it is that inheritance which belongs to us all. Let it rather make
you more diligent in using every means which seem most likely, by God's
blessing, to counteract the mischief. Let it make you more and more careful, so
far as in you lies, to keep your children out of the way of temptation.
Never listen to those who
tell you your children are good, and well brought up, and can be trusted. Think
rather that their hearts are always inflammable as tinder. At their very best,
they only want a spark to set their corruptions alight. Parents are seldom too
cautious. Remember the natural depravity of your children, and take care.
I name this also shortly,
in order to guard you against discouragement.
You have a plain promise on
your side, "Train up your child in the way he should go, and when he is
old he shall not depart from it" (Prov. xxii. 6). Think what it is to have
a promise like this. Promises were the only lamp of hope which cheered the
hearts of the patriarchs before the Bible was written. Enoch, Noah, Abrahanm,
Isaac, Jacob, Joseph, all lived on a few promises, and prospered in their
souls. Promises are the cordials which in every age have supported and
strengthened the believer. He that has got a plain text upon his side need
never be cast down. Fathers and mothers, when your hearts are failing, and
ready to halt, look at the word of this text, and take comfort.
Think who it is that
promises. It is not the word of a man, who may lie or repent; it is the word of
the King of kings, who never changes. Hath He said a thing, and shall He not do
it? Or hath He spoken, and shall He not make it good? Neither is anything too
hard for Him to perform. The things that are impossible with men are possible
with God. Reader, if we get not the benefit of the promise we are dwelling
upon, the fault is not in Him, but in ourselves.
Think, too, what the
promise contains, before you refuse to take comfort from it. It speaks of a
certain time when good training shall especially bear fruit, "when a child
is old." Surely there is comfort in this. You may not see with your own
eyes the result of careful training, but you know not what blessed fruits may
not spring from it, long after you are dead and gone. It is not God's way to
give everything at once. "Afterwards' is the time when He often chooses to
work, both in the things of nature and in the things of grace.
"Afterward" is the season when affliction bears the peaceable fruit
of righteousness (Heb. xii. 1 1). "Afterward" was the time when the
son who refused to work in his father's vineyard repented and went (Matt. xxi.
29). And "afterward" is the time to which parents must look forward
if they see not success at once, you must sow in hope and plant in hope.
Cast thy bread upon the
waters," saith the Spirit, "for thou shalt find it after many
days" (Eceles. xi. 1). Many children, I doubt not, shall rise up in the
day of judgment, and bless their parents for good training, who never gave any
signs of having profited by it during their parents' lives. Go forward then in
faith, and be sure that your labour shall not be altogether thrown away. Three
times did Elijah stretch himself upon the widow's child before it revived. Take
example from him, and persevere.
Without the blessing of the
Lord, your best endeavours will do no good. He has the hearts of all men in His
hands, and except He touch the hearts of your children by His Spirit, you will
weary yourself to no purpose. Water, therefore, the seed you sow on their minds
with unceasing prayer. The Lord is far more willing to hear than we to pray;
far more ready to give blessings than we to ask them ; but He loves to be
entreated for them. And I set this matter of prayer before you, as the
top-stone and seal of all you do. I suspect the child of many prayers is seldom
cast away.
Look upon your children as
Jacob did on his; he tells Esau they are "the children which God hath
graciously given thy servant" (Gen. xxxiii. 5). Look on them as Joseph did
on his; he told his father, "They are the sons whom God hath given
me" (Gen. xlviii. 9). Count them with the Psalmist to be "an heritage
and reward from the Lord" (Ps. cxxvii. 3). And then ask the Lord, with a
holy boldness, to be gracious and merciful to His own gifts. Mark how Abraham
intercedes for Ishmael, because he loved him, "Oh that Ishmael might live
before thee" (Gen. xvii. 18). See how Manoah speaks to the angel about
Samson, "How shall we order the child, and how shall we do unto him?"
(Judg. xiii. 12). Observe how tenderly Job cared for his children's souls,
"He offered burnt-offerings according to the number of them all, for he
said, It may be my sons have sinned, and cursed God in their hearts. Thus did
Job continually" (Job i. 5). Parents, if you love your children, go and do
likewise. You cannot name their names before the mercy-seat too often.
And now, reader, in
conclusion, let me once more press upon you the necessity and importance of
using every single means in your power, if you would train children for heaven.
I know well that God is a
sovereign God, and doeth all things according to the counsel of His own will. I
know that Rehoboam was the son of Solomon, and Manasseh the son of Hezekiah,
and that you do not always see godly parents having a godly seed. But I know
also that God is a God who works by means, and sure am I, if you make light of
such means as I have mentioned, your children are not likely to turn out well.
Fathers and mothers, you
may take your children to be baptized, and have them enrolled in the ranks of Christ's
Church; you may get godly sponsors to answer for them, and help you by their
prayers; you may send them to the best of schools, and give them Bibles and
Prayer Books, and fill them with head knowledge but if all this time there is
no regular training at home, I tell you plainly, I fear it will go hard in the
end with your children's souls. Home is the place where habits are formed; home
is the place where the foundations of character are laid; home gives the bias
to our tastes, and likings, and opinions. See then, I pray you, that there be
careful training at home. Happy indeed is the man who can say, as Bolton did
upon his dying bed, to his children, "I do believe not one of you will
dare to meet me before the tribunal of Christ in an unregenerate state."
Fathers and mothers, I
charge you solemnly before God and the Lord Jesus Christ, take every pains to
train your children in the way they should go. I charge you not merely for the
sake of your children's souls; I charge you for the sake of your own future
comfort and peace. Truly it is your interest so to do. Truly your own happiness
in great measure depends on it. Children have ever been the bow from which the
sharpest arrows have pierced man's heart. Children have mixed the bitterest
cups that man has ever had to drink. Children have caused the saddest tears
that man has ever had to shed. Adam could tell you so; Jacob could tell you so;
David could tell you so. There are no sorrows on earth like those which
children have brought upon their parents. Oh! take heed, lest your own neglect
should lay up misery for you in your old age. Take heed, lest you weep under
the ill treatment of a thankless child, in the days when your eye is dim, and
your natural force abated.
If ever you wish your
children to be the restorers of your life, and the nourishers of your old age,
if you would have them blessings and not curses joys and not sorrows Judahs and
not Reubens Ruths and not Orpahs, if you would not, like Noah, be ashamed of
their deeds, and, like Rebekah, be made weary of your life by them: if this be
your wish, remember my advice betimes, train them while young in the right way.
And as for me, I will
conclude by putting up my prayer to God for all who read this paper, that you
may all be taught of God to feel the value of your own souls. This is one
reason why baptism is too often a mere form, and Christian training despised
and disregarded. Too often parents feel not for themselves, and so they feel
not for their children. They do not realize the tremendous difference between a
state of nature and a state of grace, and therefore they are content to let
them alone.
Now the Lord teach you all
that sin is that abominable thing which God hateth. Then, I know you will mourn
over the sins of your children, and strive to pluck them out as brands from the
fire.
The Lord teach you all how
precious Christ is, and what a mighty and complete work He bath done for our
salvation. Then, I feel confident you will use every means to bring your
children to Jesus, that they may live through Him.
The Lord teach you all your
need of the Holy Spirit, to renew, sanctify, and quicken your souls. Then, I
feel sure you will urge your children to pray for Him without ceasing, and
never rest till He has come down into their hearts with power, and made them
new creatures.
The Lord grant this, and
then I have a good hope that you will indeed train up your children well, train
well for this life, and train well for the life to come; train well for earth,
and train well for heaven; train them for God, for Christ, and for eternity.
as of 9-2005