The Wife as Ruler
Douglas Wilson
In a biblical home, the wife has far more
practical authority than some reactionary Christians might suppose. Biblical thinking on role relationships between men and women
requires more than simply offending the feminists. Since this is so
easily done, such a standard is far too low. We have to look more closely at
what the Scriptures teach.
As the apostle Paul is urging young women
to marry, he lets a very interesting comment fall in passing. "I will
therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give
none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully" (1 Tim.
This does not contradict what the Bible
teaches elsewhere about the husband's authority and headship. In the family,
the husband is the head of his wife, as Christ is the head of the Church. He is
also the head of the home, and has the responsibility to protect and provide
for that household. He is responsible to lead, and he has the authority to do
so.
But wise leadership never micro-manages,
and never insists upon the prerogative of making all decisions that have to be
made. To take an example from elsewhere, the business world is filled with
failures who were undone because they were
highly-competent control freaks. In contrast to this, a good leader in business
is one who finds or cultivates competent men to whom he can delegate
responsibility.
Something similar happens in marriage. A
man should marry a woman whom he can trust. "The heart of her husband doth
safely trust in her" (Prov. 31:11). But trust
defined in the context of marriage is not simply believing
that she will do well if any problem ever comes up. And it involves far more
than thinking she will not go out honky-tonkin'.
Trust here means entrusting, and something has to be there to be entrusted. In
a godly home, that which is entrusted is the management of the home, and the
inhabitants thereof.
Of course, the husband is not
"under" her command-she ought not to boss him around like he is one
of the kids-but at the same time, he is called upon to honor the standards
which she establishes for the home. This will ensure that everyone in the house
will see that he honors and respects her judgments. He married her; he
entrusted these things to her. In respecting her judgments, he is standing by
his own judgment.
So let's make it practical. Let's say Mom
wants everyone to wash up in the mudroom, and not in the kitchen. She wants
them to put their dirty clothes in the laundry room, as opposed to their
ongoing attempts to make a compost pile out of them in the back of the closet.
She wants everybody's "stuff" to find its way away from the pile at
the front door. She wants shod feet off the couch. She wants plates rinsed and
put in the dishwasher. All these desires have the force of law, and everyone,
including her husband, should honor them. In a very real way, the home is her
domain. She is not the head of the home, but she is the executive of it.
If her wishes are routinely disregarded,
this means that her husband has failed to invest her with his authority, and
has failed to act as an example for the rest of the household. A sure indicator
of an unhappy household is the ignoring of Mom, and the head of that home is an
abdicating father.
Another great blessing arises from wives
seeing their authority in this. Authority, known to be such, is more carefully
wielded than kibitzing is wielded. If a woman sees her desires being
implemented as a simple question of raw competition, survival of the fittest,
and devil take the hindmost, she will be tempted to nag, and nagging is
frequently irrational and contradictory. But if she knows that her word is law,
with regard to the management of the home, then she
will be more careful about what she requires.
None of this means that she is chained to
the home; rather, she is within her element there. It is the domain in which
she is gifted by God to bear authority. This is not her burden to bear, any
more than birds are troubled by having to haul their wings around.
Used By Permission - Credenda Agenda
©2001
The Patriarch's Path. All rights reserved.