Worship: Ritual or Relationship?

"And He said to him, 'YOU SHALL LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART, AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL, AND WITH ALL YOUR MIND. This is the great and foremost commandment. The second is like it, 'YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF.' On these two commandments depend the whole Law and the Prophets." (Matthew 22:37-40)

"This is pure and undefiled religion in the sight of our God and Father, to visit orphans and widows in their distress, and to keep oneself unstained by the world." (James 1:27)

"I urge you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship." (Romans 12:1)

Several times in past issues, I have mentioned the difficulties which have been created in the community of believers by emphasizing form over substance. This month, I want to devote time and space to exploring that subject more fully.

At the outset, let me affirm that I have no quarrel with believers wanting to assemble to praise God and fellowship with one another. What does concern me is that, in our time, Christian worship is popularly defined by what goes on when we are so assembled.

The privatization of Christianity, in this country in particular, is an indictment of the flaccid faith of believers. We have placed so much emphasis on assembly that for practical purposes we have mostly neglected the living out of our faith in every day life.

Christ reduced the law to two overarching concepts: 1) have a right relationship with God, and 2) have right relationships with others. God entered the Mosaic Covenant with the Jews and laid out point by point how they were to conduct their affairs. It was a fairly complete set of instructions but it didn’t discuss all the possible permutations which might arise. Christ focuses on the principles which were foundational to the specifics that God gave Israel: principles of relationship.

They were a type which looked forward to its fulfillment in Christ as He ushered the kingdom of God into a fallen world. If we want to see the consequences of that transition, all we have to do is look at the book of Acts and witness the assembly at Jerusalem. Forgive the lengthy quote, but it is very instructive to us.

"And they were continually devoting themselves to the apostles' teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. And everyone kept feeling a sense of awe; and many wonders and signs were taking place through the apostles. And all those who had believed were together, and had all things in common; and they began selling their property and possessions, and were sharing them with all, as anyone might have need. And day by day continuing with one mind in the temple, and breaking bread from house to house, they were taking their meals together with gladness and sincerity of heart, praising God, and having favor with all the people. And the Lord was adding to their number day by day those who were being saved." (Acts 2:42-47)

How did we get from this type of relationship to what what we experience today as "church"? To be sure, they lived in special times under special circumstances that shaped how relationships were lived out, but the critical point is that they had relationship.

Except for rare situations, most Christians living in this country today have nothing that approaches this type of commitment to God or one another. Even Christians who have enjoyed close relationships with others for decades rarely involve themselves significantly in one another’s lives. The rare exceptions are glorious to observe.

Somehow, we have forgotten that we are commanded to love. That should tell us something about the nature of love. It is not mushy, gushy, feel-good sentiment. It is a sense of profound caring about others. Such love is impossible if God’s love does not reside within us. It is His love which never fails.

So, while we are commanded to love, it is God who works within us to fulfill the command – if we don’t try to substitute a counterfeit love for His gift.

All too often, we excuse ourselves from the personal ministry to which God has called us. It is easier and a lot more convenient to pay others to do what God requires of us. The problem is compounded in that we think we have done our duty when we drop an offering in the plate.

God demands so much more. In fact, He wants everything! He doesn’t see our lives as compartments which are "ours" and "His" like we sometimes do. Every aspect of life is a matter of relationship with Him and service to Him. How well do we do at capturing those opportunities for His glory? The condition of our society is the best indicator we have. You be the judge.

The above passage from James is the only place in the scripture that defines "true religion." It is no small matter that it addresses relationship to others (the weak and helpless), but it goes further. We are to keep ourselves "unspotted" by the world. Let’s follow that a bit, because it has a relationship aspect.

The word in the Greek is the antonym of spilos which means defiled or stained. It is this root James uses later in 3:6 when he writes of the tongue defiling the whole body. If you want to diagnose what destroys more relationships than anything else, stick out your tongue and say "Ah"!

The way we treat the relationships we have largely determines the type of relationships we will have in the future. We are either on the path to better ones, or our actions broadcast to others that relationships with us are risky.

If we don’t like the relationships we have, we make the painful observation that they are the product of past conduct. It does us no good to blame other parties for their part in our poor relationships. We need to give our attention to our own failure to heed the two greatest commandments.

Christ certainly teaches that we are to confront one another when there are problems, but He also makes it clear that we must first confront our own "mote" (Mat. 5:23; 7:3-5). In other words, the first and great commandment must be kept before it is possible to keep the second.

That is why John warns that those who don’t love each other demonstrate that they do not love God (1 John 4:20). Right relationship with God is worship/service that expresses itself in right relationships with others.

It is much more comfortable to substitute institutional rituals for right relationships. So, it is not surprising that we tend to follow that course of action.

We convince ourselves that God isn’t really serious about this relationship business, but know He’s dead serious about our showing up on Sunday or whenever the doors are open. He’s serious about the "thou shalts" and "thou shalt nots" but He doesn’t intend for us to get too serious about all this relationship business. Does He?

I’m not advocating the neglect of proper behavior here (i.e. "keeping the commandments") but I am encouraging us to look beyond them, because that is precisely what Christ did.

It is not enough that we do not steal from neighbor. We are to love him and seek his best. We are not intended to seclude ourselves in stained glass mausoleums and tell the world, "We’re here when you’re ready to see it our way." We are to engage the world meaningfully.

The truth is, even in Christian fellowships, we rarely engage one another in meaningful ways. It is easy to settle into a comfortable relationship with a small circle of close friends. But, unless that is an open circle that actively encourages the involvement of others, it will die. It may continue to exist but it will be comatose and on life support.

It always saddens me to see this. People who have been friends for years gradually come to the place where, though they enjoy one another’s company, they rarely involve themselves in one another’s lives. They won’t call on them for help until the need becomes desperate, and they may not call even then. They no longer keep up with each other. Then, one day comes a phone call or announcement in the bulletin informing them of the other’s difficulties or death. It is almost as if they have been marking time in their relationship, just waiting for the final, "Halt!"

Healthy Christian relationships attract other Christians and outsiders. All too often, we see others we would like to know better, but we never approach them. The reasons are varied but they usually center around fear of rejection. So, we settle for a handshake, or perhaps a hug, a smile and a few non-committal words of greeting.

We go through the motions but we remain hungry for the substance of worship: relationship. My background in the behavioral sciences tends to make me a people watcher and an investigator of social behavior. What you are reading here is based on decades of observation.

While there have been wonderful exceptions in my own life, most Christians I’ve met just plain don’t want to be bothered with Christian relationships. They live their lives with pigeon-holed efficiency and there just isn’t room for the lack of predictability that real relationships bring. They know that real relationships place demands on them and those demands have a way of coming at inconvenient times.

The problem comes when they realize their needs could be ministered to by deep relationships with others and they are bankrupt. They are at a loss to call on those whom they have so neglected and so they deny themselves the comfort and aid God made available through relationship. How sad that is.

Coming together to celebrate our life in Christ, to honor God with praise, thanksgiving and adoration, and to edify one another can be a time of rich blessing. But if it is just icing on a cardboard cake, it is an offense to God.

Though The Living Bible is a paraphrase and has significant problems, I really like the way it expresses some things. 1 Peter 3:8 is one of those verses, "And now this word to all of you: You should be like one big happy family, full of sympathy toward each other, loving one another with tender hearts and humble minds."

The recipients of that instruction were living in the trying "last days" and suffering a "fiery ordeal." I pray we can learn to enjoy that kind of relationship without similar persecution, and that we will cease to settle for ritual when God makes it possible for us to enjoy rich relationships.

© Copyright 2003 - Jim Wade